Here’s What Fox News Will Say About Obama’s Trayvon Martin Comments

So Barack Obama made some comments about Trayvon Martin that reflect the feelings of pretty much any human being with a functioning set of emotions. The quote that led every one of the dozens of short articles written about it was, “If I had a son, he’d look like Trayvon,” a line that makes you realize that national leaders have personal feelings apart from politics, and that seeing someone who could have been his kid shot for no good reason probably made Obama just as angry and sad as the rest of us—or you had that response to the line if you were a normal person. If you were a capital-c Conservative pundit who appears on FOX News and bangs Obama at every opportunity out of pure malicious instinct, your eyes rolled back in your head, you started frothing at the mouth, you yelled, “THE PRESIDENT’S TALKING ABOUT RACE! LET’S GET ‘IM! GRRRRRRGHSGHHSSFSA!” and you rage-vomited a little bit. Here’s your chance to cover the Trayvon Martin killing without admitting that it’s an awful tragedy that a black teenager got shot because of his skin color—you can just go after Obama! The crazed anti-Obamans haven’t taken to the airwaves just yet, but you can see what they’re going to say so clearly that I’ve taken the liberty of predicting what the blonde fembots and deceptively clean-cut nutjobs that parade through FOX News will say in the next 48 hours. I hope I’m wrong.

They’ll call him a racist:
“Obama never comments whenever a WHITE 17-year-old gets shot.”

They’ll pretend to be even-tempered and objective, in contrast to Obama:
“Here Barack goes again, commenting on a matter before all the facts are in, just like with Henry Louis Gates.”

They’ll change the subject to whatever their pet policy obsession is:
“This is just more pandering and emotional manipulation from a president who is looking to push his anti-gun agenda. We need MORE guns, not fewer. Trayvon should have been armed.”

They’ll accuse Obama of meddling:
“Why is the president interfering with a local police matter? What about STATES' RIGHTS?”

They’ll say some horribly offensive shit just to get a rise out of liberals, then pretend like what they said isn’t awful:
“Obama joins this modern-day lynch squad that’s going after this George Zimmerman, an American citizen who was just acting in self-defense…”

They’ll call Obama a racist again, just for kicks: 
“By saying that Trayvon looked like his hypothetical son, Obama is bringing race into the debate where it doesn’t need to be. This is not about race.”

They’ll baselessly accuse the president of committing a crime:
“If this case goes to trial, Obama should be charged with and convicted of jury tampering.”

Finally, they’ll blame the “ghetto”:
“Why is Obama ignoring the real issue: Trayvon Martin would be alive if he didn’t wear a hooded sweatshirt.”

For more on Trayvon Martin, check these out:
Trayvon Martin's Shooter Is Free Because of the Stand Your Ground Law
Spaceghostpurrp Florida Are Ready to Fight for Trayvon Martin

@HCheadle