
………. Conspiracy theories really depress me. Hours after the bombs went off in Boston, Buzzfeed were able to publish a post called something like “The 24 Maddest Conspiracy Theories Surrounding The Boston Marathon Bombing” (they’ve since – wisely – taken it down). Conspiracies are the place the libertarian and the hippy meet and today not a single event of note can pass without being fed through the paranoid grinder of the fantasists. But their stupidity is not the most miserable thing about them, no the most depressing thing about them is the rate at which they've been taking over for the last decade. In 2012, the philanthropic Leverhulme Trust, most notable for funding dreary desk-based research, offered a grant for academic investigation into conspiracies. "Conspiracy theories," their announcement read, "have received remarkably little examination. Though they prompt almost obsessive attention in the public imagination, they have been largely ignored by academic research." It’s true, encouraged by the internet, fuelled by the global crises, championed by popular culture (Dan Brown and The Matrix, specifically), the last ten years have seen a conspiracy boom. Perhaps, while extreme Islam has gained more press, and smug atheism is more sensible, it's possible to argue that conspiracy theory has become the first dominant philosophy of the internet age. No-doubt, The Leverhulme Trust – with its connections to the multinational Unilever – and its grant, inspired far more paranoia than academic insight. Earlier this year Public Policy Polling conducted a survey about the public’s trust in some of the more established and outré conspiracy theories. The results are infuriating enough to drive rationalists up a tower with a rifle and start shooting. Apparently, 13 percent of respondents suspect that Barack Obama is "the Antichrist", while 37 percent of Americans think that global warming is a hoax and 28 percent of dickheads believe in a sinister global New World Order conspiracy. I’m told it’s supposed to be consoling that only four percent believed in David Icke’s lizard men, but the way I see it: FOUR PERCENT OF PEOPLE WITH A VOTE BELIEVE IN LIZARD MEN.
………. Years before his Time Square insubordination, Charlie Veitch was a lost and vaguely passionate man, desperate to find an ideology radical enough to explain the weird, new world of 9/11s and WMDs. He spent a decade looking for peace inside the army, inside the city, and found none. Then, it seems, one day he simply turned on his computer and happily jogged down the rabbit hole. I had known Charlie for six months before he abandoned conspiracy theory. I knew him as an absurdist protester, a self-proclaimed anarchist and a nice guy who wore lame trousers with extraneous pockets. He was also a committed believer in the conspiracy of 9/11. When we met, Charlie was a celebrated foot soldier in the war against government deception, and his student-y anti-establishment protest videos had an online following of over 50,000. But, in June 2011, he travelled to America with the BBC. They were there to film 9/11 Conspiracy Road Trip, a trashy documentary confronting conspiracists with evidence supporting the official explanation of the Twin Towers’ collapse. Something switched inside him and Veitch discarded the conspiratorial dogma he’d long defined himself by. Back home, among his conspiracy crew, this was big news. Charlie was branded a deserter. Google "Charlie Veitch traitor" today and you get around 38,000 results. Depending on which link you click, he’s either totally insane, an establishment shill, brainwashed, a government agent, a Satanist, a sex criminal, corrupt or a blackmailed putz. Videos were mocked up super-imposing dollar signs in his eyes, horns on his head and his face onto Gary Glitter’s body. One of Charlie’s oldest heroes, Alex Jones – that guy who freaked out at Piers Morgan and exists in a space somewhere between Glenn Beck and Charlie Sheen – declared that Veitch had “psychopath eyes”. To thousands it seemed that Charlie Veitch himself had become evidence of a very real and very evil New World Order. A month after he uploaded that Times Square video, titled “No Emotional Attachment to 9/11 Theories – The Truth is Most Important” to YouTube, the Greater Manchester Police arrested a man for sending Charlie death threats.
………. On a moody day in Cambridge, I met Charlie in a restaurant to drink beer and discuss his remarkable transformation into an Illuminati bogeyman. He’s a positive guy, but seemed exhausted by all the hate. So I bought him a steak. “The worst abuse,” sighed the 6' 5" activist in his unlikely Scottish-Brazilian accent, “was on my fucking birthday. My website got hacked and someone sent an email to 15,000 people, saying that I was a child molester.” Bleak.
Annoncering

………. Of course, one of the biggest causes of conspiracy theory is actual conspiracy. Charlie experienced his own, rather mundane, Big Brother plot on the 28th of April 2011, the day before the royal wedding. I was drunk in a pub near work when I got a text from Charlie’s girlfriend: URGENT. Charlie was arrested from his own home today on an absurdly concocted free speech pre-crime – ‘conspiracy to make nuisance'. That morning, two politely officious coppers had knocked at Charlie and Silkie’s door and taken him to a holding cell.
Annoncering

………. During his ban from London, Charlie managed to walk the line of legality and make it to Southwark Crown Court. He invited me to join him. We were there for the trial of Muad’Dib, a 7/7 conspiracy theorist. Muad’Dib, Charlie explained to me, is the pseudonym (nicked from Dune) of John Hill. Hill’s an old man with a long white beard who lives in a small town in Ireland. He’s best known as the creator of 7/7 Ripple Effect, a film blaming the London terrorist attacks on, of course, not the four vicious arseholes I naively blamed, but the government and the complicit British Broadcasting Corporation. “He’s a very spiritual man,” Charlie reassured me as we walked inside. He had explained that Muad’Dib had already suffered 150 days incarceration in Wandsworth Prison for sending copies of his film to the jury foreman on a trial linked to the 7/7 suicide bombings. And, while I thought that did sound like a stupid thing to do, I agreed that the punishment sounded harsh. The silencing of Muad’Dib was clearly a conspiratorial cause celebre. Outside, awkward groups of suburban revolutionaries assembled. Each less remarkable than the last. It was clear why Charlie stood out to men like Alex Jones. He bowled confidently into the courtroom, cracking jokes while people shook his hand, patted his back and shrugged angrily at the thuggery of the police. Since the arrest, Veitch was the big man on conspiracy campus. The visitor’s gallery was full of John Hill’s supporters. I sat with them as Charlie scored laughs by mocking the lawyers’ wigs and pointed out the Zionist implications of the courtroom crest. At one point he jogged out of the room, returning with a copy of 7/7 Ripple Effect and pressed it into my hand, urging me to watch it. “When the judge comes in, we shouldn’t stand up,” someone said. Everyone around me chuckled in agreement. “I’m going to stand up, I’m afraid,” I whispered to Charlie. The judge came in. We all stood up. Before Muad’Dib’s hearing, there were two others. The first was a black man in his late twenties who Charlie thought looked like Maxi Jazz from Faithless. We listened to the sad story of this man’s decline into drug abuse and then the judge’s harsh sentencing. “Oh, that’s going to help him!” Charlie said outraged. I agreed and the gallery exchanged a flutter of liberal indignation. The next prisoner was brought in. He was a white middle-aged bald guy in a suit. Charlie leaned over to me, “I bet he’s a tax dodger,” he said through his teeth. “He looks like a tax dodger to me.” When I brought it up again in Cambridge, Charlie didn’t have much time for Muad’Dib (who was found not guilty). “He’s mad. And I found out he’s a crazy anti-gay. Like, string-them-up crazy.” But, back in that courtroom, Charlie and Muad’Dib were both considered heroes. Times Square changed that.
………. As a vehicle for self-revelation, BBC3’s 9/11 Conspiracy Road Trip was a tawdry one: Coach Trip meets the 21st century’s most iconic atrocity. Guided by an Irish comedian with no obvious connections to America, New York, planes or Osama bin Laden; Charlie and four other conspiracy theorists travelled around the East Coast condescending exasperated experts. One high point involved a bereaved mother being told that the last phone conversation she had with her son had actually been with a CIA robot. Some kind of C3P0 designed to make middle-aged women sad. Somehow, out of this gumboot of rotten broadcasting, Charlie found peace. As his low-rent companions buried their heads in the swill, refusing to listen; he calmly heard the experts, and reevaluated his position. Four days into shooting and he was in Times Square, recording that video.
Annoncering
No Emotional Attachment to 9/11 Theories – The Truth is Most ImportantYou have to admire his balls. He must have suspected how seriously the conspiracy community guarded their faith. If he didn’t, he soon found out. Ten days after his revelation, this is what Charlie said in a depressing video entitled "Melancholy For 9/11 Mind Change Reactions":“Everything I had is lost. It’s as if people once really liked what I did and now they hate everything about me. I’ve lost friends. I’ve lost people very close to me over this. I had nothing to gain from changing my own mind, I had everything to lose.”Who would have thought that standing withMock The Week's Andrew Maxwell at Ground Zero could inspire a man to lose his religion so completely? After all, just 19 days before his rebirth, Charlie was organising a lecture by Richard Gage, a prominent 9/11 Truther. I couldn’t help but think of the magic mushrooms and Israelis that compelled him to join the army. Or the dope and conspiracy videos that inspired him to fight the system. Perhaps, I wondered aloud, he could just be a little bit easily led?“I think rather than being easily led, I have an open mind.”Oh, OK then. I turned back to my steak; the cruel part of me still suspecting that another great personal upheaval was probably just around the corner for Charlie. What would it be? Buddhism? Grail theory? Militant gynaecocracy? Could be anything.
Annoncering
Annoncering