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Holy Shit

Taylor Swift Earned So Much Money This Year, She Makes Jay Z, Diddy, and Dre Look Like Chumps

What a time to be alive (if you're Taylor Swift)!!!!
Ryan Bassil
London, GB

According to British newspaper The Express, Taylor Swift reportedly earned $1 million dollars a day this year. To those who know Swift, which at this point is everyone with an internet connection, the fact she's making so much money shouldn't come as a surprise. She consistently sells out arena dates (she performed 85 shows across the world this year), her latest album sold over 5 million copies, and she's notched up endorsement deals with globally renowned brands like Diet Coke and and Keds.


One million dollars a day, every day, for the entire year though? That's an astronomical amount of cash - stupid money. So much so that it makes a fool out of all these mega-rich superstars like JAY Z ($56m), Diddy ($60m), Drake ($39.5m) and Dr Dre ($33m) - millionaires who are earning a pittance compared to Swift, reported to have raked in over $317 million since January.

So what could Taylor do with all this money she's earned? She's already helped one fan pay off their student loan. In July she donated $50,000 to an ill fan. Earlier in the year she gave another $50,000 to fund public schools in New York City. So more charitable donations would be nice, of course, but if she wants to keep some money for herself, we've done the math and figured out some other things she could get for 317 million sweet US dollars:

68,233,673 Tesco Meal Deals

17,611 personal Sea Breacher X submarines (which come in the shape of a shark)

22,744,557 pizzas from Papa Johns, taking into account their "buy any pizza for £9.99" offer, of course

0 Happiness

1 space launch

Like, at least 25 personal rollercoasters

Too many helicopters to count

Infinite "Good Times"

Essentially: Taylor Swift has it M A D E. Whatever she wants, bar ending world poverty or bailing out Greece, can be done direct from her bank account. This basically makes her God in this capitalist, post-austerity world, the holder of our wildest dreams. And it's nice to think that in some alternate universe, she's the overlord of a mechanical shark / helicopter army with unlimited stocks of Walkers Crisps and BBQ based pizza.

What a time to be alive (if you're Taylor Swift and not shivering in your apartment with a sharp pain shooting up your leg).