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An Interview with the Goblin from Nekrogoblikon, Who Is Definitely Not a Guy in a Goblin Costume

Plus, the humans in the band or whatever.

Photo by Achim Raschka

I’m not saying anyone can, or should, try to replace GWAR, because that would be stupid. Also, technically, GWAR still exists, even though Oderus Urungus has been dead for almost six months. But if the world does need heir apparents to the galactic scumdogs, Santa Barbara’s Nekrogoblikon made a solid case for their hypothetical candidacy by squashing the Brighton Music Hall in Allston, Massachusetts, last week.


Basically, nobody knew who the fuck Nekrogoblikon were until the cinematic savagery of “No One Survives” went viral a year ago. But considering their in-concert display of balls-incinerating spaz-metal pageantry, plus some passing talk of a new record tentatively-titled Heavy Meta, even if nobody can replace GWAR, Nekrogoblikon could handedly fill the void that’ll be left when iwrestledabearonce finally break up.

Before the show, I stumbled upon Nekro co-founder Scorpion, Bready the drummer, and mascot/living logo John Goblikon. BMH staff wouldn’t let Scorpion drink in the parking lot, even though he’s the lead singer of the headlining act. In addition, Goblikon threatened to rip my face off if I wrote that he’s a guy in a costume instead of a real goblin.

Noisey: OK, so you’re a real goblin? How the fuck did that happen?
John Goblikon: Uh, well, if you’re not aware of the anatomy of how goblins have sex, they touch ears. Then a small goblin fish swims into the female’s ear, goes into the egg, cracks it open, cooks it sunny side up, serves it to a smaller family of goblins, they eat it, one of them gets a bowel movement, and shits out a baby goblin. Afterwards, someone sticks a goblin cock in a goblin vagina.

Neat! Most of our readers will recognize you as the star of the “No One Survives” video.
John Goblikon: Yeah, I’m internet famous.

So, assuming it’s an autobiographical film, we know you’re a salesman of some kind. I wasn’t clear on what the company you work for sells.
Scorpion: Von Doom & Associates. They sell life insurance, don’t they?


Goblikon: Yeah, they sell life insurance. My sales haven’t been so good the last couple of weeks. I’m hoping to get it up. I find the more I drink, the harder it is to get it up. “It” being my sales. I’ve got to watch weird sales porn online to really get it up.

Hm. Well, what of irony? Is this an ironic band? Is there even room for irony in metal?
Scorpion: Irony is crucial, but I think what’s next is post-irony. That’s really where things are headed—just doing absurd things with the utmost sincerity. I think we’re perceived, or should be perceived, as an ironic band. It’s fun, tongue-in-cheek stuff. But at the core of it, we’re not coming from an ironic standpoint, as if to, like, mimic or be a satire of the current scene. It’s like, yeah, we’re taking the piss out of metal. But we would like to do a fucking good job at metal while we do it.

Goblikon: Yeah, we’d like to pee on metal. That’s what he’s saying, right? We’re going to pee on metal! Metallica, there’s yellow stuff coming your way!

Bready: There’s got to be a way of peeing on something that helps it. It’s like metal has been stung by a jellyfish, and we’re peeing on it.

Amazing! Once metal becomes huge again, what are you going to do with the millions and millions of dollars you’ll get?
Scorpion: Uh, we’re going to spend it on having other people produce popular EDM for us and become world-famous DJs. Wait. That’s been done. Never mind. I think what we’re going to do with [this tour money] is make more music videos and become psychonauts to explore the depths of consciousness. Maybe get a sensory-deprivation chamber? I don’t know. Something fun.


What’s stopping metal from becoming huge now?
Scorpion: Well, in my opinion, there’s this whole elitism to metal. It’s there in indie and lots of other genres, but particularly in metal, a lot of the demo is young males, stereotypically. I think that means they’re in that testosterone-ridden rebellious state, so they want to listen to something that bothers people and claim it as their own unique identity. That forms a sort of elitism, like, “Oh yeah? You get this? Me too! Fuck everyone!” And that’s the comrade—it’s just, like, “Fuck everyone!” But it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s self-defeating. It’s putting yourself in a corner and choosing to stay there, if you adopt that attitude. It was eye-opening to go on tour in Europe, ‘cause over there, metal is just another form of rock. It’s not the red-headed stepchild that is it in America. It was a really interesting cultural difference. But the Nekro mission statement, for me at least, is to be elitist about not being elitist—to say, “Fuck you, you’re not welcome,” if you’re a typical elitist, because there’s no way you can apply that mentality to something everyone can enjoy. Otherwise, it’s greedy and short-sighted. It’s cool to have your own little niche and your clique or whatever, but it’s cooler to do something everyone can enjoy, I think.

The big criticism of you guys is your gimmickry. Isn’t it true that all bands are gimmicks, and that your critics are all stupid assholes?
Goblikon: “Gimmick,” I think, is sometimes confused with “identity.” And when someone has a unique identity, it’s somehow confused with being a gimmick, when, in actuality, it’s the driving force of the band. Whoa. Sorry guys. I’m high. I’ve got to go. [runs away]


Scorpion: On our upcoming album, one of the songs is called, “We Need a Gimmick.” It’s about the quest for the gimmick. We have no shame about that. I think once people see us live, then they’re not going to be so worried about whether it’s all a gimmick. If it’s some young guy who’s jealous that we got this random success, then yeah, they’re going to gripe. But whatever. I would too.

Bready: They not wrong, but that doesn’t make [us] not fun.

Follow Barry on Twitter - @barelytomson


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