Most of us have a least one anecdote about getting high as hell and then doing something that makes us cringe so hard our organs convulse every time we think about it. If you are a human with a penis, you probably also have at least one anecdote about getting an inappropriate boner and trying to style it out, but failing spectacularly.
We have weed stories and boner stories, boner stories and weed stories, but it's not that often the two collide—unless you are Nick Jonas. Nick Jonas, who used to be a celibate Disney pop star and one half of the Jonas brothers. Nick Jonas, who wrote “Jealous” and used to date Miley Cyrus. Nick Jonas, the guy who got a massive boner on the red carpet because he'd eaten a weed lollypop, and then told everybody about it, on TV, with photographic evidence.
“I’ve never told this story, for good reason probably,” Nick told Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show last night, before explaining how he celebrated the release of a new single with a lollypop laced with weed the night before he was supposed to present the Young Hollywood Awards. “I was like, ‘Yeah, sure, why not? I never do this—never happens… But I did it. Enjoyed the night. Felt great. Went to bed feeling fine. Woke up the next day… Everything’s in slow motion.”
He then went on to explain how he felt so baked that he started to hear voices in his head. Still, he had an awards show to present, so he hopped in the taxi anyway, and went on his way. It was in the taxi that the boner first appeared, apropos of nothing, and refused to go away—a phenomenon the former-purity-ring-wearer has dubbed a "NARB," which stands for "no apparent reason boner."
Listen below to hear in his own words, and then rewind and listen to it again, and then imagine you are Nick Jonas awkwardly trying to conceal your relentless boner by standing with your hands in front of your crotch, like a bouncer who needs to pee, on the red carpet at the Young Hollywood Awards.