FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

The VICE Guide to Right Now

Someone Finally Solved That Problem Where Your Cat's Asshole Doesn't Have Jewelry on It

The folks at Twinkle Tush will sell you a rhinestone to put on your cat's ass.

Read: We Asked a Cat Expert if Your Cat Could Kill You

The worst things about cat ownership are probably (a) combing through a shit-filled sandbox every day, and (b) wrecked furniture from all the scratching. Way down the list of downsides is every cat's mildly annoying tendency to stick its anus right in its owner's face. That's the problem the people at Twinkle Tush have decided to solve.

By way of gilding the lily, however, they've also made their product a style piece, turning what looks to be a rhinestone in a round setting into an anal decoration. That sets Twinkle Tush apart from its more austere, Etsy-based competitor, Rear Gear, which appears to make its cat buttflaps out of card stock.

Annoncering

In either case, it looks like the secret recipe is a loose-fitting elastic ring holding the decoration onto the base of the tail, allowing it to, theoretically, open up like a bomb bay door when the cat poops.

But it doesn't look like everyday wear for your cat. The band that holds it onto the tail appears to be on the flimsy side. Even in the video created by the inventors themselves, at one point Twinkle Tush slips down to the middle of the tail, exposing the cat's asterisk asshole in all its obscene nudity once more.

According to the Twinkle Tush site, it's a novelty item for special occasions, such as when you throw a "respectable cocktail party at your home, only to have your feline family member come out and proudly display their uncovered rear."

The good people at TT are obviously in on the joke, but not taking their invention too seriously could be undercutting their profits. In light of the well-documented willingness of the rich to blow literally thousands of dollars on bullshit pet products like a crystal-studded Swarovski cat flap, the butthole might just be a new spot on cats for shoving money into.

Why not get Damien Hirst to design a safe way to encrust a cat's ass with blue diamonds? And why stop there? Cats grow some serious dingleberries. Why trim them off when you can stud them with rubies?

In the meantime, Twinkle Tush is available at Cat Crib for the low low price of $5.99.

Follow Mike Pearl on Twitter.