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The new Mortal Kombat, which is technically the ninth of the franchise, is almost everything I want from an MK game.

They took my toupee. Wouldn’t give it back. Pigs never let you have anything you want. That’s part of the fun of being a pig. You can take anything you want, and no one can do shit about it. Except richies, but who’s rich in the fucking desert?

We asked our friend George Mitchell to draw you every week. Has he drawn you?

They swept all our money into the sea.

Because if it is, you might not want to look at these.

The Guardian still has some names on its hate list to put a red line through.

TV reviews by the only journalists who've never been to Chequers.