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Cry-Baby of the Week

It's that time of the week where we shame one self-serious pussy again.
Jamie Lee Curtis Taete
Κείμενο Jamie Lee Curtis Taete

Welcome once more to Cry-Baby of the Week. It's a simple premise—we present you with two wimps, and then ask you to decide who is the bigger pussyole.

Cry-Baby #1: Lana Massey

The incident: A woman with a shitty tattoo on her lower leg of Tinkerbell inserting a light-switch into her vagina (pictured above) was asked to leave Legoland. She was given a full refund, and offered complimentary tickets for her next visit.


The appropriate reaction: To wear a garment that covers her tattoo (which she described as "an original artwork from the 1940s" – hahahaha) before going somewhere where there are lots and lots of children.

The actual reaction: According to an article in The Dallas Observer, Lana took to "social media" to tell her story of "discrimination," and gained support from people like Yelawolf, Travis Barker, and Busta Rhymes. (Nice crew, bro!)

Let's take a look at how Lana described the incident in the same article: “The whole time we were in, we were followed, I was totally assuming that she was going to come up to me and ask me who my artist was.” I'm going to stop her right there. A woman with a tattoo of a Disney character masturbating, walking around Legoland sees that she's being followed, and her immediate thought is "this lady must want to know where I got my tattoo done"? This can mean one of three things:

1) Lana exists in some parallel universe where she never, ever encounters children, or people that talk about children, and genuinely has no idea that some people don't like children seeing sexually explicit images.

2) Lana is mentally ill.

3) Lana is a liar, and wants to be given some free money by Legoland. I'm leaning towards option 3.

She also wrote an almost unreadable forum post here, in which she outlined her plans to take legal action against Legoland for the way in which she was "discriminated upon," and actually seriously said: "I can only imagine in what ways this shattered my kid’s ideas of society as a whole."


I feel I should add here that I'm not a prude. I don't think it's damaging for a child to see her tattoo. If I had seen her tattoo at Legoland when I was seven, it probably would have made my entire life. But at the same time, I understand that not everyone feels that way. Which is why I don't walk around McDonald's Play Palaces handing out photos of my dick.

Cry-Baby #2: Robert Herskowitz

The incident: A Californian man named Robert Herskowitz downloaded the song "Whataya Want from Me" by Adam Lambert (embedded above) from the Apple iTunes Store. As if that wasn't already bad enough, he was charged twice for his download, meaning he ultimately paid $2.58 for it, instead of the usual $1.29.

The appropriate reaction: To stop using the Apple Store to download music, and torrent it for free like the rest of the planet.

The actual reaction: Robert filed a lawsuit against Apple, seeking an injunction and damages to the amount of over $5 million. According to the 15-page suit (which you can read here), he is alleging breach of contract, breach of faith, unjust enrichment, unfair competition and business law violations. Though it's definitely nice of Robert to try to stick up for people who have been double-charged by Apple the world over, five milli might be a tad much to ask.

So who is the biggest cry-baby? Let us know in the poll below so that we can shame one of these self-serious pussies forever.

Who is the bigger cry-baby?Follow Jamie on Twitter - @JLCT

Previously - Burger Dick Lady vs. Hypersensitive Newsreader