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The 80s Issue

It's Every Video Game in the World

Genes didn't fucking get us here. Shit, monkeys have genes. It's memes: the ability to tell the next generation what just happened-that's what put us on the map. If a monkey wasn't there, it didn't happen.

This piece of lunacy was put together by Luke from Antibalas in a matter of days.

Genes didn’t fucking get us here. Shit, monkeys have genes. It’s memes: the ability to tell the next generation what just happened—that’s what put us on the map. If a monkey wasn’t there, it didn’t happen; if we weren’t there, someone sends us an email about it and it becomes a memory. But surely sharing information with each other has to have a limit? There will be more information available in the next two years than there ever was…in the entire history of mankind! Hey, you like video games? Why don’t you order every single game ever made, download them on to any old computer, throw them in a wood box, then order the rest of the parts, and BOOM! A four-joystick standup arcade game containing everything from Joust to Space Harrier to that shitty one where Journey had to go get their instruments and play a show. What the fuck is going on? What are we, the Romans? Are we going to have to go to some other room to puke up stimuli so we can come back and take more in? 87% of the Amish come back to their technology-free world after experiencing ours. We just freak them the fuck out. We’re not saying a standup arcade game in your own bedroom isn’t fun, but c’mon. When does it end? Is there any limit to the amount of shit we can fit into our brains? You realize we are a pube away from looking like those guys on Star Trek with the veiny, big Elephant Man heads and those weird, long sparkly gowns and the British accents.
You realize that, right? 1 To get the cabinet go to: 2 You have to drill and mount all buttons, joysticks, trackballs, spinners, lightguns, etc…. They can be purchased at Order about ten more buttons than you think you need. 3 Mount your keyboard encoder and any other interfaces you will need (trackball, lightgun, etc…). KE72 keyboard encoder is highly recommended 4 Wire the switches to the keyboard encoder. If you are having trouble, check out Bonus Online Material:
1. Atari 2600 (1977 - 1984)
I remember hitting the video game jackpot on march break of 1981. I really wanted a handheld Pac man game, but my parents figured it would be a waste of money so they got me an Atari instead. W00t! Back in those days having an Atari gave you instant credentials. Kids were literally giving me money to come hang out and play shitty conversions of Space invaders, Pac man and Asteroids at my place. It was better than having a swimming pool. If you’re going to set up any kind of collection of classic ‘80’s games, this one has to be at the top of your list. To this day people are still coding games for this system. Why? Its all about getting the most from the least amount of tech. Programmers use it as a zen-like testing field to see if they can produce something half decent with none of the high tech tools usually at their disposal. Grab yr own copy right here:  PC   MAC 2. Magnavox Odyssey2 (1978 - 1981)
Atari wasn’t the only kid on the block for long, and the first console competition was on once the Odyssey2 was released. I was never a fan, as most of the games were cheap knock-offs of the popular Atari games, which were in turn cheap knock-offs of the original arcade favorites. The Odyssey looked kind of cool though, so it gets points today for sheer style. Sorry Mac users, but no emulator for this one yet. Try emulating Windows with VirtualPC, then run the PC emulator. Will that even work??!    PC 3. The Vectrex Arcade System (1982 - 1984)
If you had a Vectrex you were either the coolest kid in school, or your parents were rich. I wanted one of these puppies so bad, but my parents said “what do you need that one for, you already have an Atari.” As if, Mom. The Vectrex’ big gimmic was that you didn’t need to hook it up to a TV, as it had its own monitor, and it sported nice crisp clean vector style graphics. You remember what the arcade version of Asteroids looked like? Those were vector graphics. The Vectrex is hugely popular with collectors right now, because they all wanted one when they were kids, and they still want to try one out, just to be able to say “I’ve played everything.” The link below will not only hook you up with the emulator, but also has a complete library of games. PC 4. Intellivision (1982 -1984)
Better graphics do not always equal better games, and the Intellivision was the first system to prove this point. What Sega was to Nintendo back in the late ‘80’s, Intellivision was to Atari in those days before the big game crash of ‘84. The Intellivision kind of pissed me off cause they had these ads with Bill fucking Plimpton telling me that my Atari was piece of shit, and how much cooler the Intellivision was. Debates would ensue in the school yard, but the reality was that the Intellivision had the shittiest controller EVER in the history of video games, it was an ugly box on the outside, and only fags who liked tennis and baseball games played Intellivision. PC/MAC 5. Colecovision (1982 - 1984)
Home video games in the ‘80’s never really quite equaled their arcade counter parts. Just look at the Atari 2600 version of Pac man and you’ll see what I mean. Then along comes the colecvision packed in with an ALMOST arcade perfect version of Donkey Kong. Fuck. Remember the days when game companies actually packed a game in with their consoles? Who was the last to do that? Nintendo in ‘86 with Super Mario Brothers? Anyhoo, the Colecovision was cool, even though that version of Donkey Kong WASN’T 100% arcade perfect as it was missing the conveyor-belt/hot pies level, arguably the coolest level in the game. Their controller was second only to the Intellivision for its hand destroying abilities, so fuck you Colecovision. PC MAC
6. Atari 5200 (1982 - 9184)
The Atari 5200 was the most advanced home console on the market before the crash of ‘84. It was black and silver and looked like it was designed by Bang and Olufsen. It looked shit-hot. Under its hood it had a huge for the time 16 K of memory, and was basically the Atari 400/800 computer reworked into a console. The games still weren’t arcade perfect, but this was the best you could get until the first Nintendo came out in ‘86. PC/MAC   MAC 7. Commodore 64 (1982 - 1986)
While the C64 was technically a home computer system, and not a games console, most people who had one used it primarily for games. For many it was their first dalliance with a computer at home, and while most people had to shell out 50 bucks on new games for their consoles, C64 owners were happily cracking and pirating their own games. Is it just me or was it also called the Dragon 64? That’s what we called it when we were kids, but I could find no documentation to prove this. Anyone? Anyone? PC MAC 8. NES (1985 - 1991)
The NES made its debut in 1986, and while the average consumer was bummed on the lackluster, over saturated market left behind from the first wave of consoles (The E.T. video game, anyone?), true video game players were hungry for the next wave. The NES single-handedly brought home video games back from the dead, and alongside the Atari 2600, was easily the most popular video game console of all time. I can’t even tell you how cool it was to see an almost arcade perfect (still some levels missing!) version of Super Mario Bros. That, and its revolutionary control pad design defined what would be the next generation of game systems. For some nostalgia, check out this flash cartoon: PC MAC 9. Sega Master System (1986 - 1990)
The Sega master system was kind of like weaksauce NES, but it had some cool games like Shinobi, Golden Axe and Phantasy Star. It wasn’t until the Genesis came out that Sega really started kicking ass, but the Master system established the first real competition for Nintendo, and unwittingly made way for bigger competitors like Sony. PC MAC 10. MAME - Arcade (1978 - 1993)
VICE covered MAME over a year ago, but no list of classic gaming emulators is complete without the granddady of them all. MAME stands for Multi Arcade Machine Emulator, and is an open source software project that is constantly being updated by the programming community. MAME emulates basically every arcade machine ever, up until around ‘93. Go grab a copy immediately. PC MAC One last note: These emulators are all quite legal. The illegal part is when you try and download the games, or as they’re known in these circles, ROMS. Some of the emulators listed here have games available for download. In the case of the Inellivision, for example, the games are available as they are almost considered public domain. MAME ROMS, and NES ROMS, however, are a still vigorously protected by the companies that created the games. The ROMS are out there, I’m just not going to say where. Do a search on Google, or better yet, try doing a search on your favorite file sharing program, like Kazaa, and you will no doubt hit the jackpot.