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Dear Diary

Hi! At Hebrew Marcie told me she was going to Florida for Christmas vacation. She asked her mom if I could go with them.
LA
Κείμενο Lesley Arfin
1.12.04

November 1991

Dear Diary,
Hi! At Hebrew Marcie told me she was going to Florida for Christmas vacation. She asked her mom if I could go with them. Our moms just talked about it and it just so happens that Papa and Selma R going too! I can go with them if I can get a flight! I hope I hope I hope I get a flight. Here are 6 wishes:
1. I get a flight on Thursday
2. The Getleman's go on that flight
3. Papa and Selma let me do whatever I want
4. They would rather me stay with Marcie
5. Marcie and I have sleepovers
6. WE HAVE THE TIME OF OUR LIVES!!! January 2004
Here's a list of six things that actually happened on that trip: 1. I only hung out with Marcie for four days (no sleepovers though). The rest of the time I was forced to stay with my grandfather (Papa Duke) and his girlfriend, Selma. I was acting like a brat, so Selma took me to Loehmann's and bought me a navy-blue blazer, which she argued with me about because she didn't understand why I would want to wear navy and not "something happier." 2. I wore the blazer to Marcie's, only to find her and her sister running around the house in bikinis blasting Faith No More's Epic. There were boys over, and while Marcie and her sister made out with them, I sat alone on the couch in my blazer, memorizing the lyrics to the entire album. 3. One night, Marcie and her cousins and I went to a club. A dance club. Marcie threw a fit because she got into a fight with her sister. She went to the bathroom to cry, and I ran to console her. Meanwhile, a 40-year-old woman sporting a beeper (those were still new and very hip-hop) and gold lamé MC Hammer pants started screaming at me and pushing me and telling me to get the fuck out of the club because I was "giving [her] daughter dirty looks." Marcie still didn't open the bathroom door. 4. I started crying and we left. No one would talk to me in the car when her mom came to pick us up. Not even Marcie. 5. The Getleman family took us to Wilt Chamberlain's restaurant. Marcie caught her sister smoking a cigarette and threatened to tell on her. Her sister grabbed Marcie's shirt and Marcie started screaming. I didn't understand any of it, because her parents already knew that her sister smoked. 6. Papa Duke took me to Coconuts, where I bought the Faith No More CD. It was the very first CD I ever owned. Since I couldn't listen to it on my cassette Walkman, I spent the flight home reading and memorizing the lyrics once again. To this day, I know every word of that album, cover to cover.