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I Want My DVDs

Because you're not into amateur pornography, teenage violence and street fights. Right.
Κείμενο Nathaniel Lindsay

Sex With Strangers

Madman/AV Channel

Face it, the only reason you’re now reading this review is because the title leapt out at you and you were hoping for some juicy arthouse-porn. Well suck shit buddy! Because this ain’t some classy ‘Betty Blue’ type of film. This doco follows the lives of three classically white trash swinger couples on their crusty adventures across the US of A. Okay, there’s some strap on dildos if that’s your thing, and fat naked old people, but that’s about it. It’s kind of like a ninety minute Jerry Springer episode, following the lives of its guests; detailing their issues with the whole ‘swinging’ scene and the jealously which arises within relationships if one of their partners enjoys someone else a bit too much. While not particularly groundbreaking it is sorta funny and gross; (one middle aged couple who live in a campervan, venture out on a road trip so they can pull up outside clubs around the country, and invite couples back in to ‘party’). Watch the couples take part in some classic party games like ‘pin the cock on the muscle-man’ and ‘wack the piñata shaped like giant tits’. Watching this film may not tempt you to grab your partner and get dirty with another couple but it will very likely turn you off spas for life.



Battle Royale

Becker Entertainment

Fuck I love the Japanese. Not only did they invent the torture/humiliation game show and the giant monster attack but they are also the creators of the epic cinematic masterpiece ‘Battle Royale’. The plot is as follows; a class of year 9 students are placed on an island with three days to kill each other. The last surviving student is the Battle Royale winner and is thus allowed to return to society. Bear witness to a plethora of bloody slayings ranging from neck explosions and decapitations to students being mowed down by Uzi’s. While this could potentially be considered ‘less than good taste’ if it were depicted in a realistic context, it completely rocks within BR’s hyper real, comic book setting; plus you get to see ‘Beat’ Takeshi yuk it up as the overseer/teacher of the royale battle. The only recent film to come close to this level of ballsy splatter action would be “Kill Bill” (which stars one of BR’s female students as the schoolgirl assassin). Anyone who doesn’t enjoy this film is a complete playa hatin’ pussy, so go see it and marvel at how truly entertaining ultra-violence can be.


Fighting Mad: XXX

Rise Above/Roadrunner

Sorry, Ventura Distribution, Vas DVD, ALL, and 4 Leaf. We only have so much room for credit after the name. How many corporations are in on these things? Everyone is so scared after Napster, they’re spending their entire budget on the only things kids can’t be bothered to duplicate. Geez.

Anyway, watching this video before you go out is fucking intense. Holy shit. From the ghetto black dude getting pounded by his fat sister (you have to hear how this guy says, “Ungh!” when he hits the ground) to the girl who gets her face smashed against the ground by another girl as their girlfriend goes, “Maybe if you had kept your fucking legs closed and your mouth shut this never would have happened!”, this is more than just the harshest fights you’ve ever seen in your life. These are the harshest fights ANYONE has ever seen in their life. I guess because the people in it are kids, and they’re supposed to fight. Seeing Danny Bonaduce obliterate the old man from The Brady Bunch isn’t fun because it’s like seeing your dad get mugged, but seeing two 20-year-olds attack each other like hyenas and then get up, bloodied but unbowed, to laugh about it—well, that’s what life is about.