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Girl Eats Food - Avocado Eclairs

Let's put some weird, sexy fruit in our mouths.

The avocado: light of my life, jewel of my diet and chock full of potassium to keep my prostate glowing. But, for some reason, it’s a fruit that regularly tops those "foods that kids hate" polls that things like The Telegraph like to run. One theory is that children are all difficult dickwipes and parents would rather just shovel undercooked Alphabites into their offspring to keep them subdued. The other is that people don’t know what to do with avocados outside of making industrial amounts of guacamole. So, courageous pioneer that I am, I thought of a way to make this admittedly quite weird fruit more sexy (basically; add sugar, whipped cream, more sugar and buttery pastry). Avocado Eclairs Choux pastry is one of those cookery witchcraft tricks which smuggington smug-faced chefs in their smug kitchens always say is "simple" when you’ve got the hang of it. Yeah, maybe it’s easy to make after ten years of experience mate, but I almost had an embolism making these. However, the sense of achievement when you’ve finally got these babies to puff up in the oven rather than turn into greasy logs that look like a dog with tapeworm curled out, is endlessly satisfying. Ingredients 1/3 x cup of water
1.5 oz x butter
1/3 x cup of plain flour
2 x eggs (beaten) 1 x avocado
1 x squeezed lime
1 x tablespoon of condensed milk
1 x cup of whipping cream
1 x teaspoon of vanilla essence
1 x tablespoon of sugar
Some x chocolate for dipping

ΔΙΑΦΗΜΙΣΗ

Step 1.

Heat the butter and water together in a pan. Keep an eye on it.

Step 2.

As soon as the butter is fully melted, dump in all of the flour and go at that bitch with a wooden spoon. If your arms don’t hurt after beating it, you cocked up. If you’ve done it right you should end up with a glossy, gelatinous ball of buttery slop. Take off the heat, or better still, leave to cool or dip the base of the pan in cold water. Basically, you don’t want to end up scrambling the eggs you’re going to dump in. Beat in the, umm, beaten eggs a little at a time until it looks like…

Step 3.

This.

Step 4.

Once it’s cooled down enough that you’re not going to melt your hand if you hold it, dump some of the batter into a piping bag (or a paper cone you cack-handedly stapled together like me).

Step 5.

Squeeze out some vaguely éclair shaped pastry turds, giving each ample space to puff up. What is even going on with that one in the bottom corner? I wasn’t even drunk. Shove your butter slugs into a pre-heated oven at 200c for 25 minutes or so.

Step 6.

They puffed up, I WIN!

Step 7.

Once they’re golden, take them out and quickly stab each one with a toothpick and blast for a final five minutes. This is to let the steam out… or keep it in… whichever one is imperative to keeping choux pastry puffy. Once done, leave them to cool waaaaay down.

Step 8.

For the filling, you need to slice and mush up your avocado with a squidge of lime juice and a dollop of condensed milk.

ΔΙΑΦΗΜΙΣΗ

Step 9.

Next, whip the cream with the sugar and vanilla essence until it’s super thick like Polyfilla.

Step 10.

Now dump in your green sludge and mix thoroughly.

Step 11.

More piping bags!

Step 12.

Make a tunnel for the cream to squeeze into, I just stabbed mine with a pencil but you could use something more hygienic, I guess… pussy.

Step 13.

If you’ve got a proper piping bag with a nozzle, then good for you, smug-face. If you live on the edge and you’re just using a paper cone again, you need to jab and squish in the avo-cream and hope for the best.

Step 14.

Finally, stuffed to the britches with dairy, top with a little melted chocolate for decoration.

There you have it, a TroPiCaL twist on a pastry classic. You can even test its deliciousness on a small child and wait till they’ve finished to announce “you’re eating fruit, you dumb fuck.” Mission accomplished.

Bone-appetit!

JOANNA FUERTES-KNIGHT

@fuertesknight

Previously – Girl Eats Food - Luther (Vandross) Sliders