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Thirty Tons of Hash Set Ablaze? A Pothead’s Lament

These guys were just chugging along on a happy little boat filled with sticky goo that makes people good and dizzy. The vibe only went sour when the cops showed up. And now $400 million of hash is gone.
T. Kid
Κείμενο T. Kid

Have you ever stared at the tray disposal in a cafeteria, watching as person after person dumps perfectly good, uneaten food into a giant bucket? Unless you're an ungrateful prick the first thought that should come to mind is, "What a waste. It's so sad that there are people all over the world, scores of starving children, who would love to eat that food so that they don't die." Now that I've invoked a bit of sympathy with that image, I'd like you to consider how I, an unrepentant pothead, felt when I saw the video above.

Thirty metric tons of perfectly good hash hidden in a cargo ship were set ablaze this weekend by a crew of smugglers off the coast of Sicily. THIRTY. FUCKING. TONS. The ship had been tracked for at least three days by authorities. When boats and aircraft were sent in to make the arrest, the Syrian and Egyptian crew members manning the vessel threw themselves into the Mediterranean but not before attempting to destroy their cargo first. The police that boarded the ship had to wear gas masks, and I bet it was the best goddamn assignment of those Italian policemen’s lives!


But back to the crew. It's amazing to me that a collective of grown, criminal-minded men resorted to the same strategem as a 14-year-old kid whose dad catches him smoking on the roof. But these guys weren't flushing an eighth down the toilet and cringing at the $50 loss. The estimated value of their 30 metric ton haul, as reported by most, is $400 million. That breaks down to about $13.33 a gram. Based on my experience, a gram of hash in most major European cities goes for about 10 Euros, which is currently worth $13.26. I'm telling you this because, for one thing, I'm kind of amazed that the authorities actually made a reasonable estimate without inflating it. Also, I always just assume that they are inflating the costs and I've never before done the math, so maybe I am the asshole.

But really, aren't we all the asshole? When you take a step back and look at it, these guys were just chugging along on a happy little boat filled with sticky goo that makes people good and dizzy. The vibe only went sour when the cops showed up, and now all that weed, extracted from thousands of plants that existed only to make people and domesticated animals high, has been confiscated. Thankfully, the crew members' efforts to torch their goods was a bust and authorities found the mind-boggling stash onboard.

Alright, now I'm just upset. This reminds me of when I lost my big fucking bag of weed. For the love of god, cherish the things you have. Finish that burrito. Smoke that roach. Use those colored pencils to their very nubs. Weep not for the weed that has been wasted, but hope for the weed that is to come.


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