Do you know why 2012 is significant? It’s not because we’re counting down the last, precious days before we’re all horribly vaporized when the sun swallows the Earth, but because it’s the 100th birthday of the mighty Oreo! So much more than just a racial slur, the Oreo cookie was born before both the Titanic and Eva Braun and still manages to stunt on other snacks. It makes the chocolate bourbon look like an out-of-shape, syphilitic hooker with famine tits.
So to say happy birthday, I present to you a triple whammy of Oreo-laden recipes that’ll get you vomiting cocoa crumbs out your nose before the day is out.
Mint Oreo Milkshake
½ x pack of Oreos
1 x tub of plain vanilla ice cream
½ x cup of milk
1 x splash of crème de menthe
Some x drops of peppermint flavoring Step 1.
Dump the ice cream, milk, and Oreos into a blender. Difficult stuff right here guyz. Step 2.
What else tastes great with chocolate cookies? Mint! But, unbelievably, I couldn’t find any mint-choc ice-cream in my local shop because they’re dessert fascists, so I did the next best thing and squidged in a little economy peppermint flavoring.
To add an extra kick, I also sloshed in some Crème de Menthe, which totally isn’t just for senile old ladies tapping their feet to imaginary Glenn Miller music. Step 3.
Blend until it goes a shitty grey color, and voila! It may look like liquid tarmac, but it tastes like chocolate toothpaste!
1 x "Double Stuff" Oreos
1 x cup of flour
1 x egg
1 x splash of milk
½ x tspn of baking powder
1 x tspn of vanilla essence Step 1.
Ahhh, we’ve been here before haven’t we? I’m using the chubbier Double Stuff Oreos because they’re just that little bit sturdier when frying. And because I’m a greedy fuck who’s incapable of moderation. Step 2.
Sprinkle some baking powder into the batter, that way you should get a nice, puffy sleeping bag around the Oreo. Step 3.
So yeah, dip it and fry it, you idiot. I’m not explaining how to deep fry all over again.
1 x Oreos
1 x basic brownie mix
1 x pack of mini marshmallows Step 1. All you need for this is the brownie mix from your exotic rastafarian hallucinating brownies, minus the drugs. Or not, I’m not your mother, you can do what you want. But this time, you pour the brown sludge into a mini loaf tin. Step 2.
Put some Oreos into a sandwich bag and beat them up with a rolling pin, or just smash the whole bag onto the tabletop till they’re in pieces. Whatever! The world is your violent oyster. Step 3.
Sprinkle the Oreo shards into the loaf tin and slosh them around a bit. Then bake at 200c for around half an hour, or until it stops being sloppy in the middle. Step 4.
When the loaf is almost baked, melt a little butter in a pan and throw in the mini marshmallows. Beat furiously with a wooden spoon until they become one white, sloppy heap then take off the hob. If it spends too much time in the pan it will just harden into this kind of shitty PVA glue crap. Step 5.
Now, take the loaf out and smear the softened marshmallow goop over the top like a sugary duvet. Return to the oven for like, a mili-second, and whip out when your mallow is a pretty caramel color.
Stuff your face with this IMMEDIATELY while it’s still squishy, then wash it all down with your Oreo milkshake why don’t you? There are no rules around here.
So there you have it. What better way is there to celebrate the centenary of one of the finest snacks in history, than to bury it under a slew of other fatty ingredients?
Previously: Girl Eats Food - Babied Ribs
Really fucking hungry? Check out Joanna Fuertes-Knight's (totally free) online cookbook! It's got every Girl Eats Food recipe ever in it.