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The Design Issue 2004

Design 101

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I
QG
Κείμενο Quentin Gonzable

Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.

ΔΙΑΦΗΜΙΣΗ

And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.

DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:

Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.

(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).

Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.

Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).


Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.



And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.



DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:


Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.



(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).



Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.



Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).

   

Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.



Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

   

Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.



Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

   

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.



Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.

   

Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.



Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

   

Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.



Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.



   

Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!


Result

: Success!


 










QUENTIN GONZABLE


Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.








Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.

Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

ΔΙΑΦΗΜΙΣΗ


Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.



And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.



DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:


Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.



(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).



Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.



Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).

   

Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.



Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

   

Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.



Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

   

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.



Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.

   

Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.



Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

   

Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.



Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.



   

Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!


Result

: Success!


 










QUENTIN GONZABLE


Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.








Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.

Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.

Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.


Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.



And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.



DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:


Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.



(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).



Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.



Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).

   

Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.



Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

   

Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.



Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

   

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.



Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.

   

Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.



Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

   

Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.



Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.



   

Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!


Result

: Success!


 










QUENTIN GONZABLE


Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.








Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.

Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

ΔΙΑΦΗΜΙΣΗ


Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.



And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.



DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:


Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.



(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).



Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.



Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).

   

Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.



Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

   

Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.



Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

   

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.



Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.

   

Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.



Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

   

Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.



Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.



   

Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!


Result

: Success!


 










QUENTIN GONZABLE


Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.








Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.

Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.


Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.



And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.



DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:


Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.



(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).



Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.



Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).

   

Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.



Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

   

Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.



Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

   

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.



Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.

   

Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.



Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

   

Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.



Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.



   

Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!


Result

: Success!


 










QUENTIN GONZABLE


Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.









Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.



And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.



DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:


Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.



(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).



Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.



Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).

   

Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.



Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

   

Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.



Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

   

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.



Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.

   

Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.



Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

   

Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.



Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.



   

Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!


Result

: Success!


 










QUENTIN GONZABLE


Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.








Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!

Result

: Success!


Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.



And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.



DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:


Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.



(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).



Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.



Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).

   

Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.



Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

   

Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.



Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

   

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.



Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.

   

Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.



Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

   

Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.



Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.



   

Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!


Result

: Success!


 










QUENTIN GONZABLE


Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.









Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.



And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.



DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:


Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.



(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).



Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.



Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).

   

Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.



Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

   

Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.



Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

   

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.



Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.

   

Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.



Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

   

Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.



Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.



   

Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!


Result

: Success!


 










QUENTIN GONZABLE


Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.









Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.



And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.



DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:


Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.



(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).



Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.



Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).

   

Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.



Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

   

Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.



Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

   

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.



Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.

   

Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.



Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

   

Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.



Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.



   

Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!


Result

: Success!


 










QUENTIN GONZABLE


Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.









Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.



And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.



DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:


Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.



(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).



Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.



Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).

   

Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.



Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

   

Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.



Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

   

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.



Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.

   

Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.



Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

   

Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.



Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.



   

Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!


Result

: Success!


 










QUENTIN GONZABLE


Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.









Photos by Vito Fun

Fuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner—I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recently, have they?

You know what I really need? A quick, practical, and visually pleasing way to kill all these fucking cockroaches. They just keep coming and coming, like Colombian busboys, and if it doesn't let up soon, my head's going to explode. I'm serious—I'll snap.



And I don't want some overeducated college boy trying to figure this out for me either. This is a real-world problem, and I want a real-world solution. So I asked the realest guy I know, Crazy Paul.



DESIGN CONUNDRUM

:


Roaches are everywhere. We need to kill them, and the method needs to be quick, relatively clean, and possess a modicum of aesthetic elegance. For this experiment we will be using the very large and very gross Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.



(Videos are 1-5MB in size -

Flash 7

required).



Attempt 1

: A marvel of simple and effective design, the hammer is generally used for hammering things. Paul decided that the first way to approach the problem would be to take a direct and aggressive route—smash the fucker to a pulp.



Result

: Roaches are way too fast to be hit with a hammer, and it's way too messy if you do get one (click on the picture to watch the movie).

   

Attempt 2

: The American Flag, or "Old Glory" as Toby Keith calls it, is the single most enduring feat of graphic design ever. When we look at it, we get goosebumps, and then our goosebumps grow little hairs that stand on end, and then we almost throw up from excitement. Paul was right-on in thinking that the Stars and Stripes might harness the power of two centuries of ruling the fucking world—at least enough to kill a cockroach.



Result

: Shit. The roach loves America too. So much that when the flag gets anywhere near him, he just clings to it adoringly. To destroy him now would be to desecrate the flag, and THESE COLORS DON'T SMUSH.

   

Attempt 3

: The principle behind this design solution is that the tissue will serve a dual role. It will bewilder the roach, rendering him easy to catch, and then serve as a buffer between the bug and Paul's fist, which will then close tightly around the roach and squish his little insides out. Another advantage of the tissue solution is that you can just chuck the whole fucking thing in the toilet once the job is done.



Result

: The roach tore the tissue to shreds and then played with one of the pieces in a very irreverent manner.

   

Attempt 4

: Paul based this attempt on the design concept of "visual recognition." Ideally, the roach would see the toy shark, mistake it for a real shark, and just sit there shitting his pants in terror while he gets smashed.



Result

: The shark isn't hollow, so you can't get a roach in there.

   

Attempt 5

: In a moment of heavy aggravation, Paul finally went into berserker mode and took an incredibly direct and refreshing stance: He grabbed the roach and jammed a nearby sewing needle through it and directly into his own arm. After we finished dry-heaving, Paul explained that the idea behind this attempt was to pin the roach in place long enough that he starves to death. His arm being the only nearby surface pliable enough for mounting, Paul unhesitatingly took one for the team.



Result

: It was all for naught. These fucking guys are stronger than we bargained for, and after a few quick seconds of yogic contortions, the roach was free of the arm (although the pin was still stuck through him, and that was pretty gross).

   

Attempt 5.5

: An addendum to the previous concept, Paul believed that by sinking the pin back into his arm, running some thread through it, and tying each end to a roach, he could create a tug of war so brutal that both roaches would collapse from exhaustion, making them easy pickings.



Result

: Nope. The second roach proved even stronger than the first, pulling his opponent AND THE PIN all the way across the table.



   

Attempt 6

: Um, doye, the prizewinning plan had been staring us in the face the entire time: Just grab the fucker with your hands and stuff it in your mouth! You can be 100% sure it's dead, and you don't have to worry about disposal because it just comes out the next time you poo. Hello!


Result

: Success!


 










QUENTIN GONZABLE


Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.








QUENTIN GONZABLE

Click on the pictures above for videos of all this shit, but be prepared to barf.


(Girl's reaction)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
We felt kind of bad about torturing these poor guys but then we realized – fuck it. He did eat the things. That’s the same as eating meat. Big whup. The ones he didn’t eat are living comfortably in a well stocked aquarium with food, water and a rapper from Detroit named Eminem.