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The First Annual Fiction Issue

Vice Mail

This is not an ass kiss, more of a sincere thank-you. I am not a part of Vice’s demographic—37, married with three kids, ages 10, 8, and 6.
VICE Staff
Κείμενο VICE Staff
1.12.06

ANTI-CUSSWORD LEAGUE
Dear Vice, I find your reporting efforts interesting and heroic. You have incredible potential to educate so many people in a positive way but you are really cutting off a large group of people by using profanity in your stories. In some ways it may even discredit some of your efforts. Please seriously consider media for the many not the few. If you need more details I will gladly send my feedback. Thanks for your efforts in opening a new world of information. DAVE NOTHELFER
Fremont, CA If we need more details you will gladly send… Do you mean you’ll teach us how not to curse? We’ve been working on that, actually. The best method is the classic Swear Jar. Every time somebody here says a bad word, we drop an imaginary nickel in an invisible jar. Then we try to care so hard that our ears and eyes bleed. R.I.P. RAP
Hey Vice, Could you guys please, PLEASE do an issue about the end of hip-hop? I can’t stand to see another XXXXXXXXXXXXL t-shirt or hear another obnoxious schoolkid speaking mega-Ebonics to the point where he/she sounds literally retarded. For real. It was fun at the beginning but now it’s so far down the shit-slide that it’s just sad. Bling is gay, tough-guy attitude is so played out it’s almost back to funny, and to all the fresh young rappers, let me guess: You’re going to be dropping science about a) how hard it was in the beginning but now you’re livin’ large and no one can touch you, b) how tight your rhymes are and how sick your flow is, or c) how you’re bringing it back to the old school and are against the “bling” and the “hype” and you’re here to rock the block with all the flip-flop tonight. The only rappers who were any good were Eazy E, Biggie Smalls (enough with all the “tribute” wear), and Big L, and they’re all dead. JOEL BEDFORD
Via email Vice Rap Editor Dave 1 replies: “Dude, you gots to chill. If anything, we’re finna do an issue about how hip-hop is in better shape than ever. Back in the so-called golden era, rap was just a giant sausage party. Nowadays, if you’re an eight-year-old Puerto Rican girl, you got ‘Chicken Noodle Soup.’ If you’re a hood rat, you got ‘Walk It Out.’ If you’re into your crack, the Clipse just made a classic album. If you’re a jock in Ecko jogging pants, the Game just put out a banger. There’s something for everyone. Biggie, Big L, Eazy-E? No disrespect, but there’s no more room for those old farts. Proof is, Jay-Z’s new record is schmutz. On the other hand, Three 6 Mafia encompasses everything this magazine ever stood for. So what’s the problem? Let your chain hang low.” GET IT RIGHT, GAYLORDS
Dear Vice, First off, let me start by saying that I love the magazine and I have been reading it for about three years. But I want to vent about you mentioning the Gaylords. Firstly, the name is an acronym. GAYLORDS stands for—and you are gonna love this—“Great American Youth Love Our Race Destroy Spics.” This is what it really used to mean back in the day. They were pretty established as a gang about 15 years ago if not longer with many branches located here in the city of Chicago. Now they probably only have three to four active branches in the city. Second, no one wears sweaters anymore—not since like the early 80s. There were all kinds of sweaters, party and war sweaters. Every gang had them. You can find a whole bunch of bullshit on the topic online if you decide to do so. Among the other gangs in the city that used an acronym were the POPES—“Protectors Of People Eliminate Spics.” It no longer means this—it now stands for “Eliminate Stones,” which is a reference to a gang by the name of the Familia Stones, originally known as the Puerto Rican Stones. I was also hoping you could have mentioned some of the other local favorites: Satan’s Disciples, Spanish Cobras, Maniac Latin Disciples, and Two-Six, just to name a few. The majority are Hispanic Folk gangs. Oh and by the way, there are no more BGDs, only GDs and BDs. They war with each other on the street. When they are one gang is when you are in the joint and they are your “first cousins,” which means you have rode with each other. KRISTIAN BADILLO
Chicago, IL MOON GUY
Vice, As a Moonie, I must and will say that I enjoyed your article on the Moonies immensely. I’m a second gen in New York myself. I’m 22 years old, which by the tradition of this church means that I’m ripe and ready to find myself a suitable owner for this sexual organ, aka these genitalia of mine. However, I am single—an aspiring filmmaker and writer whose ambition is, through his works, to add a quality of integrity and goodness to the entertainment world. In other words, my aim is to take “goodness” out of the realm of corny and into the realm of… I’m still trying to figure out the right word, but something along the lines of “hip” or “fly.” Anyway, many people are already doing this, I simply would like to do it, too. If you ever decide to write another article on the Moonies or if you’d like to further consider joining us in our tenacious undertaking to return this world back into the bosom of our Heavenly Father, I would suggest speaking to the second gen and keeping a fair distance from the 43rd Street headquarters, which has a tendency to attract our less stable and more “dumpy” members. But yeah, thanks for not completely making fun of us. Personally, it means a lot. JASON
From viceland.com PS: Half-Asians usually come out pretty sexy, and sexiness is a damn hard thing to persecute from any point of view. That’s nice. Best of luck on your quest to redeem the sullied name of goodness. AVERTING MIDLIFE CRISIS
Vice, This is not an ass kiss, more of a sincere thank-you. I am not a part of Vice’s demographic—37, married with three kids, ages 10, 8, and 6. I am, however, always drawn to your magazine because it shows a side to society that us comfortably numb old farts can peer into and then ponder the world around us. Your Kids Issue is a world closer to home but then I realized not so close. For example your letter from Bucharest was bold and important, and it highlights issues that many of the comfortably numb never really appreciate. Thank you for doing what you do and not falling into the abyss of dumbing down the magazine to cater exclusively to what is hip. I think it takes courage to do what you do because that close line might be too close for some advertisers, but you have the balls to go there. Sincerely, ERIC DEWHIRST
Ottawa, ON Thanks, old-timer.

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