As gloriously diabetic as Skittles are, there aren’t that many ways of tasting the rainbow™ outside of listlessly inhaling them from a vending machine packet. Put them in ice-cream, and they freeze into molar-smashing rocks. Put them in cookies, and they collapse into tasteless grit. Even the infamous Skittle Bräu just ends in you yacking up kaleidoscopic chunks. So, by far the best LOLternative way of eating Skittles is suspending them in a mousse slop.
If tooth-rotting fluoro-pellets of emulsified corn starch aren’t your thing, you can still take solace in the second part of this recipe: the chocolate cup. It involves the most ingenious use of water-bomb balloons outside of filling them with piss.
Lots x milk chocolate
1 x pack of Skittles
½ x shot of vodka
300ml x crème fraiche
2 x egg whites
1 x tablespoon of sugar
lots x food colouring
1 x sachet of gelatin
The juice of ½ x lime Step 1.
Melt the milk chocolate for your cups. This is the easy part… Step 2.
…And this is the clever part. Inflate your balloons (don't fill them with urine this time, obvs) and dip them in the melted chocolate so you get a generous coating on those bitches. Unless you want giant, flimsy chocolate zeppelins, it’s best to use the mini-balloons you get for water bombs. Step 3.
Once dipped, line up your tubby balloon soldiers on greaseproof paper and leave to chill for at least an hour. Step 4.
The thing with Skittles is there really isn’t all that much you can do with them except sprinkle them into desserts. But, like shy skater boys who think it's hilarious to pretend they don't fancy you, even though you put in the hours chasing them through the streets EVERY SINGLE DAY, one thing you can do to loosen them up a bit is stew them in booze. So, I reached for my secret "enabling vodka," poured in a tiny slug and left them to cave underneath the proof of the alcohol for, like, an hour. Step 5.
Onto the mousse. Beat the egg whites and sugar together till they're nice and fluffy. Not plumbing-sealant stiff, but fluffy. Step 6.
Dump and fold the crème fraiche into the eggs. I know it goes against all my rules to use something light like crème fraiche, but alongside the fistfuls of glucose bullets and chocolate, cream would just be too sickly.
Skittles marinated; unload them into the mix. The colors your paint-stripper vodka has stolen from them will blend together and leave a kind of fugly brown slop on top of your virgin white fluff; so feel free to splash in some of your own food coloring to pretty it up. Step 8.
Now, to turn the whole thing into mousse rather than vodka slop, you’ll need to sprinkle some gelatin into some lime juice, and melt them together over a pan of hot water. Step 9.
Add the jellied lime into the main mix and blend it all together well. Hopefully, you'll have timed this perfectly, and your chocolate cups will be ready and waiting to be filled with the creamy mush. Step 10.
Step ten, part one: Once your chocolate is hard enough, take out your balloons and prick them so they burst.
Step ten, part two: Use some tweezers to pull out the leftover balloon skin if you’re a heavy-handed monster. Step 11.
For extra safety, why not go back and reinforce your cups with a second helping of melty chocolate? Step 12.
Finally, slosh in your Skittles swill and leave it to set until it wobbles gently when the cups are shaken.
Add more Skittles, and there you go. All the fun elements of a children’s party in one recipe… minus the children!
Previously: Girl Eats Food - Avocado Eclairs