How to Get a Girl to Shit on Your Chest

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Human sexuality is a fascinating thing. Sometimes it can be compromising to our health and safety, sometimes it can be mind-blowingly euphoric, and sometimes it can be fully imbued with the act of taking a shit. That’s no big deal. We’re all adults here. We can handle the concept of hypothetically being aroused by waterfalls of diarrhea streaming out of a nice young lady’s bottom, ricocheting off the sides of a grown man’s lips as she crouches over him while droplets of shit trickle into a pool of aftermath, which he eventually licks it up off the floor, like a tiny kitten. That is conceivable, right?

For some of us, unfortunately, the idea of scat play can get in the way of an otherwise pleasant relationship, as was the case with this young lad who emailed me the other day:

“Please explain to me how I can get my girlfriend to practice Scat play with me ie shit in my mouth. Perhaps you are able to see through the taboos and hone in on a justification. How do those freaky deaky Germans get away with it? Or the Japanese for that matter? Is it really that bad? Am I just fucked in the head? How would you react to such a request? By the way, not trying to creep you out, just enjoy your perspective.” [sic]

To that I say: Don’t let basic cultural conventions discourage you from pursuing your (harmless) fantasies! After a few simple considerations and with a bit of charm, even the most prudish type could be persuaded by the psychologically riveting world of scat. Here’s how to go about it.

START WITH OTHER BODILY FLUIDS

Semen is normal. Vagina juice is normal. Saliva is normal. For some reason, though, bringing feces into the mix tends to surprise people. For example:

This is all to say, you have to start slow. The weird part about when shit leaves the body is that it’s a real thing that exists. It’s ugly, it’s fowl, it can cause diseases. People spend a lot of money and time trying to ignore shit. Use this to your advantage. Treat it like the amazing spectacle that it truly is. How? First you have to turn every acceptable bodily fluid into an amazing spectacle as well. Play with your girlfriend’s spit. Bask in the beauty of her vaginal secretions. Encourage sex while she’s on her period. Talk about the similarities between G-spot orgasms and the sensation of having to urinate. Encourage her to urinate. If you can baby-step your way to this point, you’ve already won half the battle.

ENGAGE IN POWER PLAY

Power dynamics exist in every sexual relationship, regardless of whether or not they’re outwardly acknowledged. Some people openly label themselves as dominant, submissive, or switch. Other people go their entire lives wordlessly enjoying the instinctual root of these labels. If you want someone to shit on you, you should probably consider the power dynamic involved in the act. Why do you want to be shit on? Is it because you’re bored, curious, and desensitized by the internet? Is it because you secretly hate yourself or feel guilty about something in your past? Is it because you worship your counterpart, including everything that enters and exits his or her body? Whatever the appeal, I think it’s safe to say that being on the receiving end means that you have submissive tendencies, and so the person you are convincing to shit on you has to feel comfortable in the position of power at that moment in time. Try to empathize and meditate on the magnitude of what that entails for the other person.

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ENCOURAGE BLOOD FLOW

Like any dramatic release from the human body, defecation requires increased blood pressure. Basically you should try mimicking all of the physiological factors of taking a shit before the person actually takes a shit, so that everything is ready to go. Hydration is an important component of producing a bowel movement, as well as increasing blood flow. Touching his or her erogenous zones would probably help, too. Maybe give them a nice massage. Turn up the heat in your apartment. Focus on creating physical warmth. The more ways you can simulate everything having to do with shit, the better.

DON’T BE A FUCKING WEIRDO

This might be the hardest part of the whole process. You should be aware that a therapist could probably help you get over your scat fetish. But if you’ve tried it, you like it, and you don’t want to change it, then at least don’t be a creep about it. That means don’t ruthlessly pursue your fetish with little or no regard for the counterperson’s personal preferences. Work on approaching shit together from a leveled, balanced perspective. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it has to be possible. Dreams do come true.

Previously by Kara Crabb - Girl Eats Placenta

@karacrabb