Ten Years Ago in Vice - Daddy's Little Slut

Debbie Dreschler’s most recent comic novel Daddy’s Girl is being banned all over Canada and the States because it tells a true story of incest and pedophilia. Where most victims of child abuse choose to repress their memories, Dreschler has put together an incredibly graphic and disturbing story that is impossible to put down. Her new book Nowhere will be in stores in October and is yet another revolutionary look at the truth. We tracked Debbie down in Santa Rosa and asked her to talk more about the subjects no one will talk about.

Why are you doing cartoons now Debbie, I thought you were an illustrator?
I have this environmental disease. Actually the current hip name is Multiple Chemical Sensitivity or MCS. I think I got it a few years ago when I moved to this small cottage near the California vineyards where they were spraying all the time. Ironically, moving to the country from the city is what did me in. Anyway, I was doing illustration work and I discovered I was allergic to most of the art supplies I was using. After I switched to scratchboard and ink I got into comics and I haven’t gone back since.

So if we were sitting in McDonald’s right now and I was wearing a polyester suit and you were on your third Big Mac what would your symptoms be?
Oh God. The polyester suit would be okay but the laundry soap would kill me especially if it was Tide. If you had mousse in your hair or aftershave or cologne I couldn’t take it. I’d have breathing trouble and neurological problems like hand-eye coordination for up to ten days. One time I couldn’t even make my hand dial the phone number I wanted.

Could this be your father’s abuse manifesting itself as a physical disease after all these years? Could it be psychosomatic?
It’s not like I haven’t thought about it because a large percentage of people with MCS have had some sort of childhood trauma. But I don’t know. All I know is I have this disease and it has real symptoms and the only thing that seems to be helping it is time.

How does what happened to you as a kid affect your life today?
I did three or four years of therapy which drastically changed the way I deal with those memories.

What about that phenomenon where people invent these experiences as a scapegoat to justify all their problems?
There’s a lot of questions about all of that now—and I still have doubts myself—but it was actually my sister who helped bring these memories forth. She remembers my father coming into my room and forcing himself on me. I mean, I didn’t know these things had happened to me for a long time and some days I think I might have made this whole thing up, but then I think, “What is my motive for making this stuff up?” I know this sounds crazy after reading the book, but I still don’t have any really clear memories of it. My memories are really disjointed and they didn’t start appearing until I was in my thirties. Well, that’s not entirely true. They did start appearing but I just had no idea what to do with them and there was nobody I could talk to. I used to have terrible nightmares but all I ever got was “Oh, you have an active imagination.”

Now, who can we blame for that? Is it you or your friends or your family?
First and foremost it’s my family. It’s in my parents’ best interest not to remember. I think my mother knew, but she’s stopped speaking to me since I started to talk about it. Actually, one of my three sisters is the only one that will speak to me these days. Their philosophy is you moved to California, you got crazy, and that’s it. My mother’s arguments are always a little weird, you know? It’s like she protests too much and it’s weird because our family really prides themselves on being able to talk about things. My sister and I have been ostracized by the rest of the family for talking about things.

How do you feel about your father—do you see him as a poor sick man or as an evil ogre?
Oh, somewhere in between. He denies everything, but as an adult I did have the sense that he loved me. If he was a brute that treated us all really badly, I would understand but I can’t. I don’t understand him, but I can only assume he was one of a many long list of child abuse victims. I don’t know if he’s truly forgotten or if he’s so slimy he can pretend to be innocent, but at some point you have to take responsibility for your actions.

Your book will probably help a lot of kids who feel like this kind of thing only happens to them.
Well the question is how many kids will read the book. With all these censorship issues going on it will probably be more adults that will read it.

Have your parents seen it?
I’m prepared for that but I really don’t want it to happen.

You can’t forget how esoteric comics are.
I’ve actually had a lot of adults tell me they really enjoyed it because it helped them deal with their stuff and I was surprised to see the number of men that wrote to me saying they enjoyed it. I was sure no man would ever want to talk to me again because of the way I portrayed my father.

I heard about some of the cartoonists at Screw Magazine putting together a book called Daddy’s Little Slut.
(Laughs.) That doesn’t surprise me. I mean, that’s more the kind of reaction I expected.

I guess men have more trouble relating to child abuse than women do.
Well it’s not just girls. I’ve met a lot of boys that have been molested also and that’s even more shameful. Girls kind of expect it, it’s expected that bad things happen to women around sex. Culturally, there’s that message. Women expect it so they’re more prepared to deal with it. We’re always taught “Don’t be too provocative.” And for boys they’re taught they’re the ones who should be doing it, it shouldn’t be done to them. This may sound vastly oversimplified, but if you think about it, it makes sense. It’s harder for boys to be vocal about it because there’s the shame of being molested and then there’s the shame that you’re weak or the implication you’re a homosexual.

Is it only men that molest children?
No. Women molest differently than men do. It’s not as sexualized. It’s harder to distinguish, but there’s a lot of women out there molesting boys and girls.

Why did you put this book together?
Simply because I had a burning desire to tell my life story. I strived for emotional truth and added a few lies to make it more interesting.

Did this book help you piece together what happened and was that a cathartic experience?
All the stories came to me and I’m still not totally clear about what happened. I just wanted to do real stories from the child’s perspective without that bitter and jaded adult narrative. It may look like I’m stuck in my teen years, but I don’t have a choice, the comic just turns out that way.

I think you’ve done a lot more by just telling the truth than someone with an agenda would do.
Well that would be a whole other interview, you know? What makes people want to do art? I think pain is a big factor.

GABBO