Having Hair Is Over

Baldness really isn’t something you’d wish on anyone. Sure, Gaddafi wasn’t the best dude to have ever lived, but as soon as I saw his hairline creeping up to the middle of his weirdly creased head, my heart dropped and a cold, solitary tear fell to the ground. Why then, people are shaving half their heads in an effort to look bald, is beyond me, but I suppose if it’s getting them laid in their little group of aging-ambitious friends then who am I to judge? Also swirling round the fashionverse this week, are Chinese pussy-high miniskirts, videos of aliens splashing their toxic piss all over the place, Nike’s race to Mars and a fashion film that probably cost more than Somalia’s national debt.  

VOLUNTARY BALDNESS

Reading La Gazzette Du ‘Mauvais’ Gout yesterday, we came across a piece on the half-shaved-head-pretending-to-have-gone-bald trend. Du Mauvais Gout credits Rick Owen’s AW10 menswear show with reviving the obscure, insane look and also points readers to Sarah Urb’s Awful Aesthetic tumblr to see more current examples. Not only is voluntary baldness a hair dye-free way of looking pretty new and weird, but when boys do it, it’s also a powerful intergenerational fuck you to balding guys, which is kinda funny.

TOXIC ALIEN WEE

I’ve seen a lot of guys in their underpants, and from what I’ve observed, there seems to be a weird law that says you can wear unbranded boxer shorts, but briefs have to have a designer label. Maybe the aspirational, preferably reasonably famous branding makes up for the wearer’s sexual insecurity or something. Whatever, cheap but trend-led Canadian underwear brand Undz have just announced that Marc Séguin, Walter Van Beirendonck, and Bernhard Willhelm will each be designing a three-piece line of underwear for the label. They also had artist Geoffrey Lillemon make videos for each designer. The first one is Bernhard’s, which has an alien trying to stop himself from splashing his toxic alien piss all over the floor. Totally normal.

THE PUSSY-HIGH MINISKIRT

Model Rui Zhou has started the latest internet meme in China after tweeting about a male fan who wasn’t so keen on her attire. Rui tweeted, or more accurately, Weiboed that “some little guy doesn’t want me to wear pussy-high mini skirts” alongside a picture of her in a mini skirt. This caused Chinese search engines to go into overdrive with pussy-high skirt searches and has seen a surge in the sale of ultra-tiny skirts at one of China’s biggest shopping giants Taobao, who took this marketing opportunity to sell the skirts with the tagline ‘Pussy High Miniskirts, a favourite of sugar daddies’ in reference to Rui’s notorious relationship with a wealthy government delegate.

NIKE MARS

Thinking about space makes my brain feel like it’s going to implode and not only in a stoned “whoa, man, the universe is one thing, but, like, what’s outside the universe?” way, but also in the sense that there are infinite potential possibilities for mind-blowing amazingness floating around somewhere, light years away from us. Sculptor Tom Sachs presumably shares the same thoughts as me, considering a hefty chunk of his past work has centered around space, and his new exhibition, Space Program: Mars, is an installation based around, duh, a space mission to Mars. The suits at Nike must feel likewise, as Tom’s designed a capsule collection that uses materials like airbag and spacesuit fabric to create a couple of bags, two jackets, and some Mars shoes.

PRADA X ROMAN POLANSKI

Prada have just spent a bazillion dollars on their new short film, A Therapy, directed by Roman Polanski and staring Helena Bonham Carter and Ben Kingsley. In it, Helena slips off a pair of black Prada stilettos and then lays back on the couch to enlighten Ben with her problems. The film ends with Helena’s character asking, “What does it all mean, huh, doctor?” Maybe “don’t worry about being insane and enjoy spending a fortune on clothes”? Even the office door is padded. Or maybe it’s a subliminal, “don’t worry we’re fucked up too, but Prada will make you feel better” thing. While Ben is having trannie vibes over the coat, you can just about hear Helena saying stuff like “I’m lonely, I’m rich, I mistrust everyone, I’m lonely, I meet people famous and important people, I shop in Paris and London.”

Previously: Every Celebrity Needs a Chola Makeover

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