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The Worst Issue Ever


Remember, there's a fine line between genius and insanity.
Κείμενο Toni Giovanni

Aries: (March 21–April 19)

Remember, there's a fine line between genius and insanity. It's time to get serious about career strength. You are stronger than you know. Accelerate a project or make a proposal of your own. Be your boss's boss for once. Have business negotiations on the 11th. Trust your instincts, Aries. You are the bomb this month.

Taurus: (April 20–May 20)

This month, you are going to need to take stock of a situation—career or romance. Here's to the rebels and the wayward warrior souls. Look into your heart and recognize the thing isn't right for you. Life is about continuous effort. And love. Energy and love. And knowing how to channel them. Consider gardening.


Gemini: (May 21–June 21)

Saturn––power, the authority figure––is about to enter two of your houses on the 4th. It's in your nature to deny when you're really feeling something—the grass always being greener and such—but if it's for real: trust. History shows us again and again there is a miracle in the fullness of being and acquiring, owning, and possessing, if only a small corner of the vast world. That is the one thing that is needful for a man to grow and become the fullness of his being and so on.

Cancer: (June 22–July 22)

Two ways to live a life: as though everything is a miracle, or as though nothing is a miracle. If a driver honks at you, smile and wave. If he gives you the middle finger, laugh. Love absolutely everything that ever happens in your life. Telescopes show us that Jupiter is moving across the heavens in its orbit, which means it's time you take stock, count your blessings, and thank the heavens above. Remember, many of life's circumstances are created by rules, law, and discipline. Restrain yourself. Smile.

Leo: (July 23–Aug. 22)

Cancer is in your fourth house of home and family, and possibly of work life on the 12th. A forthcoming trip with the fam is a wise decision, but history is kind only to the frugal ones. Have the courage to embrace the life you have earned.

Virgo: (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

You owe it to yourself to be the best you can possibly be. True friends are silent. With Pluto in the ninth house of education and travel, now is a good time to acquire a wireless LAN. Love has its own time; you have to learn to laugh. Cable would also be a good choice for you this month.


Libra: (Sept. 23–Oct. 23)

Women and cats do as they please, our pastor once pointed out. Venus's ingress could lead you to a discussion over property lines on the 28th, as long as you do not force negotiations. Allow your yard to shrink, and your relations with your neighbor will flourish. Consider subscribing to a magazine about Eastern philosophies.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24–Nov. 21)

Your participation makes better decisions in your daily life. With the moon in Cancer, show a lot of emotion in your professional life. The eclipse period in this time frame, coinciding as it does with Jupiter's retrograde orbit, means that Scorpio lovers, like bees, will make honey and produce child. Smile at each other. The next couple weeks could be as sweet as pecan pie.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

One week, you're singing "Life is a banquet." The next, Jupiter and Neptune shift in the heavens, and the proposal's late, men bring their boys to the glass, and it's driving everybody crazy. You know what? Get off that cloud. Bring out the bubble bath.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

Here's to the crazy ones. Mars, planet of action, is dominating this month. Take a little action. Each indecision brings its own delays. Your stock chart appears to show a strong downside. Remember, any intelligent fool can take a fiduciary risk, but it takes a philosopher to watch his stocks decline.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

Genius is another word for "magic." Learn as if you were going to work for your future. In order to be, you must endure corporate scandal during this period of Mars in Leo energy. Some hidden truth will leak out of a friend's disclaimer. Act as though you have not heard. Urban links will move projects forward.

Pisces: (Feb. 19–March 20)

Neptune is in your 11th house. Dance, sending you off in a cultural symphony. One thing a man needs to do is step away and view a situation as a sport. Remember, no one wants to damage America.