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The 2012 Ham Baby Olympics

We are carving this hero up a real special prize.
KH
Κείμενο KATIE HEINDL
04 Μάιος 2012, 8:55pm

You might not think you're interested in Canadian politics, but in this case you're wrong. Rob Ford is a true Toronto wonder in that he really doesn't embody the city—or what we think that city might be like—at all. We watched, wide-eyed, when someone, somewhere, got him elected (Was it you? Seriously, I wanna take whoever did this for a beer). And just like everyone else, we've been watching and waiting to see when his general shenanigans would taper off. But it seems that this is one toddler whose bedtime is actually "never."

This isn't our first foray with Ford, and we're aware other cities have crazy mayors, too (hello, Boris Johnson) but let's do a quick re-cap of some of the more notable Ford fuck-ups, in case for some reason you are just lucky enough to be joining us now.

This was first Ford contact and it was glorious. He shrilly flooded our radar like a keening, forlorn torpedo, and refused to go away.

Then there was his media ban of The Toronto Star this past winter, aptly dubbed "the Ford Freeze." Damned Star, reporting on the things the mayor was actually doing....you know, like a newspaper does.

Next, let's just say dude really likes subways, and it's all we can do to believe this is what we will find him screaming as he digs the tunnels with his bare hands.

Finally, the latest—but not first—attempt at running someone off his property. This is the first time he physically charged at a person, waving a fist at a Star reporter **who was shooting some snoozy photos of a plain ol' fucking fence** on an adjacent public lot. To Ford's credit, it is hard to know who to make fun of more here.

But how boring would Toronto be without this guy to hate? So what if he is a little wailing Kuato going all Totes Recall on our city? This man is singlehandedly out there, day and night, ensuring that Toronto stays on the map. We here at VICE are of the opinion that any public figure that is so batshit insane, yet clearly does not give a fuck about what anyone thinks, deserves a prize.

However, like any prize, Ford will need to earn it. The process is simple: every time Rob Ford does something completely insane or embarrassing, we’re going to rate him on a scale of his own huge red face. And once that big, red head gets even redder, grotesquely purple even, and finally explodes, we will present him with a prize.

We’ve decided the most obvious thing to do would be to carve a baby in his likeness out of a giant ham and deliver it personally to Mayor Ford. Let’s just all hope he has a few more meltdowns in the next couple of weeks; our Rob Ford Ham Baby won’t keep forever.

Welcome, to the 2012 Mayoral Ham Baby Olympics. Rob, let's go for the gold.