Wiener Dog Races!

Photo by Will Lew

Dachshunds were originally bred in Germany to hunt badgers, but now that we have grocery stores and vermin-control services, most people who aren’t of royal blood or complete bumpkins frown on running down and killing innocent animals with packs of other animals. Luckily, we found a better purpose for these sausage-shaped dogs: dressing them up like monkeys, lizards, and French people. And we can thank Montreal for this important innovation in adorability. In August, the city held its fifth annual wiener-dog race day, which included costumes, snacks, and lively competitions like “Seriously Stupid Pet Tricks.” Prizes were awarded for the fastest runner, best costume, and bobbing for wieners—that’s like bobbing for apples but with dogs and cocktail wieners, and it’s as amazing as it sounds. Watching all those wiener dogs stuff wieners in their little wiener mouths was 100 times better than all the movies released in the past year put together, and I’d have no problem doing this every day for the rest of my life.

To see more costumed dachshunds compete, check out the newest episode of The Cute Show!