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King of Cool

You know those people who are just innately cool? Those people who seem to do cool shit all the fucking time (probably even when they stay at home all day)?
Κείμενο Ventti Champion

Photo by Virginia Cummins

You know those people who are just innately cool? Those people who seem to do cool shit all the fucking time (probably even when they stay at home all day) and don't even try? Those rare folkies who have managed to get through life without ever working in a call centre? Well Woody is one of them! Everything this modern day Imelda Midas touches seems to turn to Gold. In 1995 he started his tee shirt label Wankuss and slogans such as Bogan and Gene's Mowing struck a chord with b-grade celebs around the world who couldn't get enough of his pork on their fork. He even brought truckers hats back, years before Paris Hilton ever learnt to play the skin flute, and we have only just forgiven him for it. Go to and you can play cool games such as Virtuabong, the world's only on-line bucket bong experience. But the greatness don't stop there. No sir! There is his miniature mag SneakerFreaker, which reads like a trainer collector's wet dream and is now stocked throughout Australia and in hipster temples such as Collette in Paris and Zakka in NYC. Then there is his newly opened sexified clothing boutique in Fitzroy called Buddy Love where you can pick up rare trainers and labels. And have we mentioned the Fitzroy Muscle Car Club? To wit, he has attracted inner city motorheads from miles around with a penchant for "shitheaps and deathtraps". Woody's latest project is a genuine street registered 10 second car. He says it is most likely a NOS Hemi or a big block he is building with Jon Paton and Carl McNuttndorff. Got it? Now Lee Jeans has commissioned him (along with extraordinary Melbourne artist Rik Lee, Jun Tagami, Leon Bowers, Jude and Pandarosa) to produce a limited edition "Sneaker Fever" t-shirt for their new range. Did you always know what you wanted to do when you grew up?
Nope. I think that's a scary thought, I can't imagine being that focused on just one thing, it would drive me insane. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I just like cars and sneakers and girls. I gave up bucket bongs years ago and now I'm getting married to my sweet pea in April. Looks like it'll just be cars and sneakers from now on… So what is with the scary obsession with sneakers?
Sweet Jesus, don't get me started on this one. I could fill a whole book. You can wear them, you can look at them, some people wank on them, there's so much to love about sneakers. They make me happy when I think of them. What is the least cool job you have ever had?
I once pumped petrol. Had to change people's oil and stuff. The mechanics used to make me go ask for diesel spark plugs and check the radiator in a Beetle, stuff like that. Actually that was kind of a fun job, the boss was a great bloke. I also worked in the Croydon Jewel Foodbarn. I got sacked for wearing my hi-top Roller Desert boots without my tie. You fucking asshole, I haven't forgotten!