Games

Metal Slug 5

Atari

The strangest thing happened this morning. I have a full-length mirror in my hallway. I’m repainting the hall right now, so I moved the mirror to my bedroom and leaned it against the wall. Not surprisingly, my fat cat Pastorn managed to squeeze himself in behind the mirror and tip it over. You could see the ugly little Garfield thought-bubble going, “TIMBERRRRH” as his eyes followed the mirror, which landed face down on the floor with a loud bang.

When the mirror slammed to the floor (without even breaking, which was the first strange thing), a postcard flew out of it, very cinematic, doing a little loop and everything before it landed on the floor.

What the fuck? Since when do mirrors keep postcards? What is this? Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Rakazambam? The great thing was that the postcard wasn’t even for me. It was six years old and it was for whoever lived there before me. It said (in pre-printed text) “Merry Christmas, wishes” and then signed “grandma.” That was it. What a letdown! With all the drama, I was totally expecting something more exciting than that.

The thing is, I’m actually not making this up. I’m not even saying “this morning” but meaning five months ago, it actually happened this morning. The mirror is still lying facedown on the floor. I can’t be arsed with pushing it up against the wall because the cat is bound to tip it over again. Or maybe it’s because, deep down, I’m afraid that if I look into it, I’ll be sucked into the year 2000. Now that would be a letdown. No talking hippie lion, no Michael Jackson faun, no Dumbledore, just plain old a-few-years-ago, but without the excitement of not knowing what’s going to happen.

That would be a lot like playing

Metal Slug 5

. This game is the exact same thing as every previous game in the series. It’s not entirely bad though, the

Metal Slug

series are some of the finest arcade games ever. It’s actually pretty refreshing with a developer that realises they’ve already hit the sweet spot, and doesn’t shit out improvements just to “push the limits of the hardware,” or introduce pointless features like having to take your character to the gym to stay fit.

Metal Slug

is still all about keeping the gameplay simple, solid and fun. But very, very still. You know, IT’S BEEN THE EXACT SAME FOR OH LIKE THE PAST 15 YEARS BY NOW. Surely, SOMEONE must have some new ideas? Oh wait, I just saw some videos from the upcoming

Metal Slug 3D

. That shit looks horrible. Forget what I just said, don’t change anything.

And another thing, it feels like the games are getting shorter and shorter, mainly because you have unlimited continues in

MS5

. Way to take away the only real challenge in this game. Anyone can finish this game in less than an hour.

I wish Dumbledore wouldn’t have to die.

OLLE HEMMENDORFF