Dear Diary

Summer 1996

Dear Diary,

I got a phone call tonight from this guy who says his name is Tom Nasp and he told me I was on the guest list for a Beastie Boys private party at the Palladium this Saturday night! I get to bring +4 people. HE BETTER NOT BE FUCKING AROUND!!!!! Summer 2004

"Tom Nasp" didn't work for the Beastie Boys. There was no private party at the Palladium. It was just my friends Mike and Steve pranking me (prank calling is a TOTAL PARTY!) I was obsessed with the Beastie Boys. Once I went to see Liz Phair at the Academy and Mike D was there. I totally asked if I could hug him, and it was really weird. Then I went to a secret show they had and moshed all night. I hung around afterward and made friends with their drummer, Amery Smith, also known as AWOL. He told me if I gave him my address he would send me stickers and a tape in the mail, and you know what? He totally did! Were people nicer in the 90s? I think that dude even called me on the phone. Remember when all you did was talk on the phone? It wasn't even sexual or anything, I just had all these phone friends. Actually, now that I think about it, I talked on the phone with random people, mostly guys, for many more hours than I ever spent partying. "Partying" never exactly felt right to me then.

Most of the time I just sat around and watched everyone else have fun. It wasn't because I was shy, and lord knows I loved a little e.l.e.c.t.r.i.c. s.l.i.d.e., but not until recently did I ever feel like I really fit in at parties. I always had the massive inner dialogue going on, so I always felt like a little bit of an outsider. I guess that ended when I met my friend Dustin in college. We got wasted and he showed me the TRUE meaning of hardcore partying—spin the bottle, breakin' glass, and throwin' candy at people! There ain't no party like a college party, and that's the sweet-ass truth. Also in the 90s I went to raves, except it was very uncool to say "rave." We called them parties. When someone said, "He's cool. He goes to parties," that meant he was a raver. I swear. You can ask anyone. And when they had a rave on Bev Hills 90210, the word was ruined 4ever. Oh well.