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The Cops Issue

Vice Mail

I just have to say that reading the Russian Issue really reinforced my belief that even if your motives aren’t the most altruistic, the outcome is still powerful.
VICE Staff
Κείμενο VICE Staff
01 Ιούνιος 2006, 12:00am

GOD SAVE RUSSIA

Dear

Vice

,

I just have to say that reading the Russian Issue really reinforced my belief that even if your motives aren’t the most altruistic, the outcome is still powerful. Regardless of why

Vice

does the things it does and uses the method it uses, the fact is that you infallibly provide unbiased coverage of your subjects. Rarely do I care about the fate of humanity but Russians really do get a raw fuckin’ deal. Their government is unabashedly the most corrupt on earth and puts the Bush fuckheads to shame, and yet it seems like a lot of Russians still manage to keep a smile on their face.

It’s sad the amount of vodka those people put back, but I’m sure that I’d need something stronger than beer, too, if I was in that shit. Hopefully one thing that the Russian issue will help remedy is good ol’ North American self-pity. It’s hard to feel sorry for

yourself when you can open a magazine and see young people in another country making the best of abject poverty.

Thanks,

Vice

.

MOWEY

Via email

RUSSIAN RETARD

Hi,

Wow, I haven’t looked at

Vice

for a long time, but this issue was blatant and full on. I’m an immigrant from the former USSR; I live in Melbourne now. There are SO many things wrong with most of the shit you guys put in this issue! Not a single nice thing to be said for the whole place? Only some crap about the girls?! Come on, be a bit more creative!

Apart from all the bullshit, it was piss funny—especially the part about swearing! Ah, brings me back to my childhood!

LEON

From viceland.com

Maybe you’re thinking of a different Russia? Is there a Russia on the moon in a biosphere full of palm trees and warm, lazy rivers? Because, except for you, the consensus of the rest of the entire human race is that the Russia on Earth is HELL.

BUZZKILL

Dear

Vice

,

I suggest the author of “Whores on Wheels” read a book called The Natashas. It’s an investigative look at how girls from European countries are kidnapped, sold into slavery, and forced into prostitution against their will.

Before you think about how great it might be to go to one of these places and pay a girl to do whatever you want her to, why don’t you first consider that these girls are only putting on a smile and performing because they might be beaten or even killed if they misbehave? Any of these girls could easily be your sister; these girls are someone’s daughters. Their parents might have no idea if their daughter is dead or alive. Probably many of them hope their daughters are dead, because that’s easier to deal with than the reality of what happens when they are sold as slaves/prostitutes.

It’s fucking sick that you would even consider promoting something as disgusting and misogynistic as this. Way to sink to a new low,

Vice

.

K

From viceland.com

Yes, that’s right. Simply by speaking to prostitutes you are promoting sexual slavery. God never invented a thing called “satire.” It was all a dream.

SIGNED, CONCERNED IN FLORIDA

Dear

Vice

,

I discovered this website on the cover of a Nike “throw out” which my 11-year-old son, an enthusiastic skateboard novice, caught at a local, small-town skateboard contest. My husband and I were upset enough at the content of the “Photo Special” booklet, and the fact that a link to your website was presented to a child escalates my anger. Shame on you for exposing children to your profanity and offensive material.

NAME WITHHELD

Vero Beach, FL

How gay is that? Wishing “shame” on someone. Is there a more flaccid insult in the world? “For shame!” Oooh, someone wished shame on me. Waaaah, I can’t wash it off. I’ve been shamed.

GUN NUT

Vice

,

[Re: Your Russia Issue,] The AK-47 is a piece of junk. Have you ever fired an AK-47, Mark? I suspect you’ve never even held one in your tiny, soft, girlish hands, right? The AK-47, when fired in full-automatic mode, has a bad habit of pulling up and to the right like crazy, so hitting your intended target can be tough. Also, the 7.62mm ammo is VERY HEAVY when carried in any quantity approaching a full combat load. Suffice it to say you can carry a lot more 5.56mm ammo and still carry all the other stuff you need to survive on a modern battlefield. Lastly, the U.S. and NATO army infantryman is trained to keep his weapon clean at all times, whereas your run of the mill third-world soldier (hooligan) has limited marksmanship and small arms training, so there’s a lot of “spraying and praying” in a firefight. Give me an M-16 A2 every time and I’ll show you how to hit your intended target at 300+ meters... Every time.

From viceland.com

Isn’t it sad how there’s a cabal of boring assholes for everything?

Hey,

You guys forgot to give the female DON’T doll orange skin. I did not notice at first but looking at her next to the freakishly hued trashy trio on page 79 of the Food Issue, it seems like a no-brainer. She definitely needs weird fake tan skin to be complete.

TERRY RAU

Via email

Shit, that’s a good point. We had something like that in the works but somewhere down the line, sending notes back and forth to China, it got lost. Fuck.

PETER THE CONFUSED

Vice

,

Are you guys allergic to research? Peter the Great was fucking awesome. I wrote a ten-page report on him in my history class. Peter the Great > Vice. SERIOUSLY. And if he was in a toy boat it was ONLY BECAUSE HE BUILT BOATS HABITUALLY YOU IDIOTS! IT WAS HIS FRICKING HOBBY! Thanks for proving again why

Vice

doesn’t get laid, is a bunch of losers who will go extinct as a subculture very soon, and are complete idiots.

PS: Those guys who tried to bomb the statue obviously WERE terrorists.

Do you idiots even realize that Peter the Great single-handedly turned Russia from a farmer country into the world power where it stays (relatively) to this day? That he was literally 6'10"? And a shitload more that is a waste of time for me to explain to you illiterates; they don’t call him great for nothing, mouse brains.

ANONYMOUS

From viceland.com

It’s funny how the only source of knowledge people have is something they were forced to learn in school. Dude, we were saying the STATUE of him sucks.

ONE WAY TO PASS TIME

To Colonel Sanders,

You said “someone should kill me for writing this.” At least we agree on one thing. Why? Because you have no fucking clue about video games and it’s obvious in your writing. No, someone shouldn’t literally kill you, but if someone did, it would be pretty funny. If only because you said the fantasy of First Person Shooter players is to be a shadowy wisp of a thing! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Get an Xbox and play Halo 2 or Splinter Cell online and tell that to the guys you play against. You will quickly learn that the people who play these games aren’t nerds at all; they are badasses who would kill you in real life if you fucked with them and are just trying to burn some time pretending to kill people. They’re people who could join the army and bomb the shit out of terrorists, or who maybe just got back from the army. Red-blooded Americans. Go back to Canada you fucking homo.

ANONYMOUS

From viceland.com

CYBER JOCK

Vice

,

People who play Halo are shadowy wisps. Kind of like JJ Reddick who is a level 20 right? Don't worry, I don't expect you to know who that is. You’re a homo, and homos don't follow sports.

Hey

Vice

, how does it feel to be the lowest rung of society, written and followed by human waste for the rest of us to laugh at?

ANONYMOUS

From viceland.com

“People who play video games are badasses.” That would make a hilarious t-shirt.

WLTM FAT SLAG

Vice

,

I don’t normally read your magazine that much but I loved the comics issue. I’d given up on comics but this issue really opened my eyes. There is still some fucking good shit out there! I’m an old bugger and I’ve been reading comics for years but recently just couldn’t be bothered. Must have got out of touch. This has inspired me to get back into what used to my favourite hobby. Thanks,

Vice

. Thought the “Human Cartoons” fashion story [

here

] was great. Who is the girl on the left in the Fat Slags strip? I love that page.

BERNARD STRAPLOW

Via email

BIONIC BULLSHIT

Dear

Vice

,

I live in Kiruna and that is pretty far up in Sápmi. Actually there is no town that is more close to Sápmi-land. Lots of Sami live here. I am Sami myself… and I have never heard anything about this. This article is fucking bullshit.

You’re not the first to think that different races have different abilities… that’s called racial biology.

Here in Sweden they conducted experiment with the Sami in the 20’s and 30’s. They had Sami families get naked, then they measured them, weighed them and measured their pubic hair.

The result from these measurements was that the only thing the Sami is good for is having reindeers… if we try to work with anything else we will be poor alhoholics. 30000 Sami and gypsies where castrated… Sweden was actually a big inspiration for Hitler. So, to conclude: this article is bullshit.

MATS KEJONEN

Via viceland.com, in reference to the blog post Bionic Inbreeds

GROSS EXPLOSION

Vice

,

What’s happening with the Gross jar? I haven’t seen it in the mag recently. It’s one of my favourite things about

Vice

. What’s going on? Are you selling out?

BIG NOD

Nottingham

Funny you should ask. The news is that The Gross Jar has expanded into in each of VICE’s different territories. Germany’s has been going for about a week or so now and they just told us, “We’re waiting for a Japanese girl to give us a real live tape worm out of her arse before we put it on the blog.” The Italians are making Rabbit’s Head in Creamy Cherry and Bean sauce, and the Dutch you have to go online yourself to find out about.

In North America

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