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The Literature Issue

Dos And Don'ts

No weird shredded shirt or stupid tiny purse, just the bracelets and the hair thing and her favorite T-shirt and that's it. How fucking NewYork City is that?
VICE Staff
Κείμενο VICE Staff

No weird shredded shirt or stupid tiny purse,

just the bracelets and the hair thing and her

favorite T-shirt and that’s it. How fucking New

York City is that?

And this is just Amanda Lepore in her Sunday grocery outfit. You should see her out on a Friday night where she’ll be rocking a tube top, thigh-high boots, and nothing else. She’s cartoon hot.

ESPO is out of control too. He DJ’d one of our parties dressed in a Gucci pant suit, rubber boots, and a hat that said “Hot, Horny and Hairless.” This is his “renting a movie” outfit.


Maybe I’m a lesbian but how great are chicks who just put any old shirt on and are ready to go in one minute? Assuming the bush is well-kempt that’s basically the perfect girlfriend.

You can tell when someone’s had the exact same look for 15 years. Dude is so laid-back your girl got fucked by him.

What is this chick? She’s like an 80s hippy new wave cavewoman or something. Fuck are girls ever babes.

Talk about having legs and knowing how to use them. Every time she went over to the bar to get a drink these two guys with realy long beards and fedoras would do circling gestures with their hands and point at her.

She’s good too. There’s something about a semi-chubby girl who dresses kind of boring and wears thick red lipstick. You just can’t stop imagining your cock in her mouth.

Ties are good because they take a while to put on. That shows a modicum of decorum. Unlike those shameless cocksuckers running around in sandals, tie people know the dangers of wreckless self-indulgence.

I know you want it to be the lack of textbooks or

funding or lazy teachers or something like that

but it’s not. New York high schools are doing so

badly because the kids are fucking stupid. Sorry.

Look at how they buy shoes. They’re idiots.

There is NOTHING scarier than a dude who wears silk pirate shirts and antique glasses. Man. They can just go “wchechech” and bare their teeth and you’re just like “howe leeeee shit.”


What started out as a “stressed denim” look has become something that looks as stupid as when you pissed your pants. Where the fuck is her ass, by the way?

Italian punks are the worst. Not only do they do stupid shit like wear anarchy symbols upside down (even anarchy has too many rules for this dude), but they take what little hair they have and bunch it into a kind of “Lollapalooza hat.”

The only plus side with people in the fashion industry is, after twenty years of saying “I like that sensibility” and “These boots are important,” they’ll be sitting curled up in the shower saying “Who the fuck am I?” and bawling.

Just before she left the house she looked in the mirror and snapped her fingers and went “Showtime!” but it didn’t really work out that way. I would love to put a peanut in her nose.

Ever notice how straight guys are more into how they look than fags? They pluck their eyebrows, shave their chests, and put highlights in their hair. They’re basically the new trannies.

Hey, look at his face. That’s the way they draw dopey teenagers in Mad Magazine. All zitty and spaced out and stupid enough to bring his own sunglasses in to work because they match his uniform.

It’s the Norwegian white magic sorcerer with a heart of gold. He could put up his pointy hood and kill you with is eyes but he’d rather just light some candles and pass you a joint and be all “Do you like to make party?”