Suiting Up, Crusting Down

Recently London was tousled by a series of riots led by outraged anarchists who were probably just really bored. As usual, it looked like a good time. But it also made us wonder who really has the superior lifestyle: hand-to-mouth agitators or the city-boy* capitalists they abhor? So we assigned one staff writer to pose as a punk and another as a plutocrat to investigate. Here’s what happened. *“City boy” is the London equivalent of “Wall Street scumbag.”

CITY-BOY CRITERIA:

1. Drink champagne and brandy and smoke cigars every night

2. Dress like Charlie Sheen in

3. Travel by tube or black cab—no walking allowed

4. Eat only sushi, dim sum, or food from gastropubs

5. Frequent Central London strip clubs

6. Read the entire

every day—even the bits that look like binary code

7. Pretend to be stinking rich at all times

CITY-BOY DIARY
BY BRUNO BAILEY, PHOTOS BY JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE AND JUSTIN MULCHAHY

MONDAY

TUESDAY

Lohengrin

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Financial Times

FRIDAY

ANARCHIST CRITERIA:
1. Don’t engage with the system in any way—no mobile phones, bank cards, or public transportation 2. Live in a squat 3. Hang out with a dog 4. Don’t pay for food 5. Look like a member of Extreme Noise Terror (or at least Doom) 6. Make some new crusty friends 7. Attend at least one punk show

ANARCHIST DIARY
BY JAMES KNIGHT, PHOTOS BY JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE AND MICHAEL OTERO

MONDAY

TUESDAY

News at Ten

The Ungovernable Force

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

In conclusion: Being a champagne-swilling millionaire who shits on the weak and downtrodden while raking in profits culled from the genocidal rape of the earth causes heartburn and makes you miserable as sin.

By contrast, people who lie in the gutter begging for change while drinking a rusty old can of Special Brew as a dog dribbles on their filth-encrusted combat trousers are happy, morally praiseworthy humans. We cannot recommend becoming one highly enough!