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The Homo Neanderthalensis Issue

VICE Mail

OK, you got me. The trash pileup in the middle of the ocean is scary. But what are we supposed to do about it? Just be scared? Solutions please.
VICE Staff
Κείμενο VICE Staff
1.3.08

OCEAN COMMOTION

Dear

Vice

,

OK, you got me. The trash pileup in the middle of the ocean is scary. But what are we supposed to do about it? Just be scared? Solutions please.

JEREMY B.

San Diego, CA

Why the hell would you ask us? And even if we knew an answer, do you think people like us or you could do anything about it? Here’s a good stopgap solution: Accept the fact that we’re all fucked.

OCEAN SHMOCEAN

ΔΙΑΦΗΜΙΣΗ

Dear

Vice

magazine,

Congratulations on furthering the left wing’s environmental agenda with your baseless, scaremongering coverage of “garbage island” in the last issue. I’d plum forgotten about all the junk science surrounding plastics since your source Vom Saal and his buddies over at

Consumer Reports

were on the warpath over “endocrine-disrupting” phthalates in baby bottles in the late 90s. (Remember them? Funny how that epidemic of childhood sex deformities never materialized as expected. Must have caught it just in time, right?) So now the bête noire is Bisphenol A. Another chemical bogeyman to steer attention away from the real anticorporate, ego-fluffing intentions at the heart of their crusade. Vom Saal himself has said that the scientific community’s understanding of exactly how the endocrine system reacts to foreign chemicals—or even how it functions in general—is shaky at best, but now we’re supposed to chuck all our Nalgene bottles and shut down the entire plastics industry just in case? Here’s what I’m going to do and what I’d recommend for your entire readership: Completely disregard these fucking quacks and keep living your lives as you have been until they can provide a study full of more substantial findings than the pile of maybes and couldas they’ve been polluting your minds with.

Sincerely,

RICHARD CRAWFORD

Phoenix, AZ

PS: Nice to see DDT taking yet another unwarranted beating from the liberal press. No one ever mentions the enormous effect it had on curbing the spread of malaria in the third world. But, oh, those poor baby eagles! Give me a fucking break.

ΔΙΑΦΗΜΙΣΗ

Sorry, couldn’t hear any of your blah-blah-blah’ing because it feels so weird to be accused of being part of the liberal media. Vice hasn’t been lumped in with that whole rigmarole since forever. You just made our day, you crazy nut!

UNIQUE VIEWS AND OPINIONS

Hi

Vice

,

Ours is a fledgling little antipolitical counterculture website that is just coming together. We are going to be in America this summer in the run-up to the 2008 presidential election, providing our own unique views and opinions on things of both a political and a nonpolitical nature.

We will be at the Coachella festival in California and will hopefully be going to pay a return visit to the widowed wife of the late great Hunter S. Thompson. Amongst other places, we shall be visiting the disaster area of New Orleans to see what is going on there.

We are not newcomers to festivals, antipolitical ventures, or the weed world and have the relevant nuance to find our way into that side of things, and we will no doubt be able to produce several stories in that direction. What we would like to know is whether you may be interested in possibly publishing some of our stories once they are written and possibly helping us to gain access to Hunter S. Thompson’s wife and even the Coachella festival.

This trip is completely self-funded and we have all our video cameras and other journalistic equipment ready. The tickets for the festival are bought and paid for. The only thing we do not have yet is credentials. Would you be willing to offer us support in this area?

ΔΙΑΦΗΜΙΣΗ

This is the year George Bush leaves office and Coachella has a rebellious audience (but also a very high police presence—I know, I was there last year). We would write a very interesting firsthand article for you. It could be useful for us if you were to contact the organizers and let them know there is going to be a

Vice

representative there to see what kind of access they would allow us.

Our second proposal is:

Hunter S. Thompson was one of America’s most vocal journalists when it came to politics. His widowed wife, who claims to be continuing Hunter’s work and safeguarding his legacy, has yet to scratch the surface of the work her husband would have been doing during this time. We would like to question her about this and other things regarding her husband’s mysterious death. Would you be able to help us in obtaining an interview with this lady?

If you would like to help us or discuss the finer details of this proposal, please get in touch. I have the contact details for both Coachella and AnitaThompson should you require them.

You don’t have much to lose, yet some possibly interesting articles for your magazine to gain, at no cost to you other than a couple of emails/phone calls.

Hope to hear from you soon.

CR and DC

Via email

So you’re going to hit Coachella, Hunter Thompson’s widow, and New Orleans all in one trip, huh? Didn’t you leave out Ground Zero, Jeffrey Dahmer’s grave, and the world’s biggest ball of twine? But really what you’re saying is that you want us to, first off, get you press credentials for Coachella (the answer is no—not only do we not know you, but also we don’t go to that circle jerk ourselves and have zero interest in covering it) and then help you pester Thompson’s widow so that you can do what exactly? Interrogate her because she isn’t honoring your pathetic hero’s legacy up to your liking? Here’s a better idea: Take your Hunter S. Thompson fixation and shove it so far up your ass that you choke on it. That guy is about as overrated as going to Coachella.

ΔΙΑΦΗΜΙΣΗ

JUST DESERTERS

Vice

,

My name is Timothy Heald. I served with 3-116th Infantry in Afghanistan from June 2004 to June 2005. I read your interviews with the five US-military deserters. While I know from personal experience that the first four soldiers and marines vastly overtold and, at points, lied in their stories, I can confirm from the position of a fellow infantryman who was on the ground in Afghanistan during his deployment that your fifth interviewee was a total liar. We were there in support of the first election in the history of Afghanistan. His stories are false; I can provide multiple people to interview and factual documentation to back this up.

If you aren’t trying to put out obviously slanted, yellow journalism, please follow up on this.

Thank you.

TIMOTHY HEALD

Via email

Hi. That article was intended as a forum for the resisters to tell their stories in their own words. If any of them were lying, which we doubt, the truth will come out at their refugee hearings. In the meantime, we’d be happy to see any documentation you think might interest us or refute their stories. Send stuff to editor@viceland.com. OK? Now please don’t call us yellow anymore. That’s just plain mean!