It's time, once again, to name and shame the week's biggest pussies.
Cry-Baby #1: Houston Police Department
The incident: While playing doctor with a group of kids, a nine-year-old girl touched the genitals of a four-year-old boy.
The appropriate response: Telling her that's an inappropriate thing to do.
The actual response: She was arrested and charged with aggravated sexual assault.
According to Houston's Fox 26 News, the young girl, who they're calling "Ashley" (not her real name), was among a group of kids playing doctor in the courtyard of the apartment she lives in with her mother.
At some point, a neighbor claims she saw Ashley touch a four-year-old boy in his "private area" and called the boy's mother to let her know.
A few weeks later, Ashley was out playing with some friends when she got a call from her mom telling her she needed to head home.
When she got there, she was arrested by officers from the Houston Police Department for aggravated sexual assault.
"I was crying and they took me to the car and I didn't want to get in and I was crying and I was moving and trying not to get in the police car and my mom told me to calm down," said Ashley, in an interview with Fox 26.
Ashley was taken to Harris County Juvenile Detention Center. She was interrogated for 45 minutes by a Houston Police sex-crimes investigator. Her mother was not allowed to sit in on the questioning.
Ashley was held in the juvenile detention center for four days before being released.
Speaking of the incident, Ashley's mother said, "It's a nightmare even having to go through something like this because that's my baby, that's my baby and just the thought of her going through something like this, it hurts me."
When approached for comment by Fox 26, a spokesperson for the Houston Police Department said they were unable to comment, as the case involved a minor.
Ashley will appear in court in October to face the charge of aggravated sexual assault.
Cry-Baby #2: Jane Guilfoyle
The incident: Someone donated a gift certificate to a charity raffle.
The appropriate response: Saying thank you.
The actual response: The organizer of the charity raffle contacted her local paper to complain that the amount donated was too low.
Earlier this month, Jane Guilfoyle of Bedford, England was organizing a charity raffle in support of the cancer unit of her local hospital.
To gather prizes for it, she wrote to several businesses, including national grocery-store chain Sainsbury's.
Sainsbury's wrote back, saying they would be "happy to give to the cause" and included a gift certificate for $8.
Which, really, should have been a happy ending to this story.
However, Jane wasn't pleased.
She contacted her local paper, Bedfordshire on Sunday, to let them know how disappointed she was with Sainsbury's measly contribution.
In an interview, she said, "Sainsbury’s was the largest company we approached and when we heard back we were chuffed. But what they’ve sent us is a bit like a slap in the face. We’ve had so many great donations from small businesses and even friends."
Bedfordshire on Sunday contacted Sainsbury's. A spokeswoman for the store said, “Each of our stores has a charity partner, and in addition they donate generously to a whole range of causes throughout their communities. Over the last five years, we’ve helped local charities raise over £5 million."
I guess beggars actually can be choosers.
Which of these guys is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this interactive poll down here:
Who is the bigger cry-baby?
Winner: The pistol whip coffee people!!!