I’m messed up. I just got an X-ray and found out I have sciatica. My back is curved like a backward “C” instead of straight like a normal person's. I just took some Percoset about ten minutes ago. They gave me a real strong prescription because I have a sharp pain running from my back down to my leg. It hits the back of my left side, then it goes to my pelvic bone—it’s like wearing a belt so tight that it hurts your bones.
I’m not surprised that this happened to me. I’m the kind of guy who will push a car down the block, no problem, and the next day I’ll wake up like a paraplegic. It pisses me off.
Used to be if I woke up hurting it was because I was knocking boots with someone. I’d rather it be from that, because then at least I’d expect it. But this happened from working out and jumping up and down playing basketball for many years. Everything that I’ve done in my life has finally take its toll on my body.
A lot of people think about aging and death when they find themselves in the hospital, but I’m in better shape than most people in their 20s, so that stuff has never really occurred to me in the past. Now I have to start thinking about it though. I’m not 20 anymore—I have to start working out according to my age. Even though my body looks like it could keep up with any 25-year-old, my insides are telling me something different.
There is nothing you can do about death. You either wake up or you don’t. I’m trying to live a healthy lifestyle, I’m trying to keep myself out of harm’s way, but there’s only so much I can do. I know I’m going to die—I’m more worried about how I’m going to die. I don’t want to die suffering or hooked up to some machine. I’d like to go one of the old-fashioned ways—having sex or in my sleep.
When I was in my early 20s life didn’t have any meaning. I thought I would live forever, but as you get older you realize you’re not invincible. The first time I got stabbed I realized I could bleed. That’s when I knew death could happen. I got stabbed and was like, “Okkkaaaay, I can die, this is not good.”
Now I’m at the point in my life where I have to get better life insurance. I have to start planning for my future. I don’t want to work my whole life taking whatever someone will pay me. My life is geared toward trying to save and grow so when I get to the age of 65, or whatever, I’m not that person I see struggling in the rain and the snow, working a job he probably doesn’t even like. I don’t want that for myself, so I’m trying to prepare myself financially and physically—that’s why I go to the gym.
Bottom line: I want to be mobile. If I’m ever the guy who has to use a cane or crutches or one of those wheel things I’ll be bugging out, because I don’t know how to be old. I don’t know what that is.