Variety Club

All Photos by Alex Sturrock

play here about four times a year and it’s more out of love than anything else because it’s not really fantastic money but I’ve got a love for the place and a love for the people. For an audience, they’re like a vicious dog. If they smell fear, they’ll eat you. My biggest fear was when I done it first. The first owner Gordon Cragg told me: “I’ll only give you ten minutes because they might eat you. They’ll throw everything at you and they’ll give you abuse.” And I was like “Y’what?” Radford is certainly not one of the most prestigious parts of Nottingham but that normally brings out the best in people. They’d give you their last penny. People who’ve got nothing seem to want to give you everything but people who’ve got it seem to not want to give you fuck all. That’s the way life is. That’s why people who are millionaires become millionaires, because they’re tight. People who’ve got fuck all will share it with you. These people will share everything including hospitality and friendliness. I said to them that if they ever knock it down and make flats then I want a couple of bricks to put in glass cases because it’s legendary. I hope they don’t do too many nice improvements to it. I see they’re putting up nice coloured signs and things. Next thing you know they’ll be putting the fucking heating on. I hope they don’t because it’ll take away some of the character of the place. The building’s an old, fallen down dilapidated wreck but it’s The Variety Club and that’s it. You go anywhere in the country and say: “Have you heard of The Variety Club” and they say “Yeah, it’s that fucking madhouse” and that’s what it is. It’s where people come on a Sunday, let their hair down and do whatever they want. Anything goes in there. From fellas standing there bollock naked singing “Fucking hell, fucking hell, fucking hell!” to other stuff. The craziest thing I ever saw was a load of fellas making the shape of an aeroplane and singing the theme to 633 Squadron. I mean, where else do you get that? Bernard Manning’s coming up here soon November. He’s a lovely man and he’s not a racist. The charity work he does goes unreported, which is Bernard’s fault really. He’s not very well at the moment and hopefully he’ll live long enough to play here. He’s very laboured in his mobility. He takes about eight tablets a day. He’s got angina. He’s got a bad heart, he’s got arthritis. I wish the media would report his charity work. I know for a fact that at the club he has in Manchester he invites lonely people into his club and wines and dines them, makes them feel wanted, gives them a box of Roses, a Christmas card, things like that. They want to start telling the truth about him. He’s a nice man. GARY SKYNER

Conscious of the fact that the old audience isn’t going to live forever, the club are thinking of changing the look of the building. We told Alan, who runs the place at the moment, to give the old logo a bit of a paint and keep it as the main brand identity but he’s still undecided.

This is Pav and Jesus. They were our hosts for the Sunday afternoon show.

The crowd was mostly guys from Radford, but people travel from far and wide to enjoy the bingo, adult comedians and strippers.

Backstage, the dressing rooms contain warnings for the girls not to get too explicit in their stripshow.

A yard of ale is three pints. Downing one in 14 seconds seems quite fast, but the world record, held by Peter Dowdeswell of Earls Barton, Northamptonshire is five seconds.