Bert Burykill
HardWhite Loves Twerk ’n’ Jerk
The county jail ain't that bad. I lie in bed all high and toasty listenin’ to music, plottin’ on my next move, and readin’ the Scrabble dictionary to build my vocab massive. I’m focused and dedicated to suck the most love outta the stinkin' clink while...
Down in the Hole
The cops definitely use the box as a tool, and it’s been seriously overused. In New York, the box is officially called a Special Housing Unit (SHU), and it is a serious tool to keep the inmates in check. I did very limited box time, and it scared the...
Prisons Punish Families Too
Imagine your dad was locked up for most of your life. You’d grow up poor, probably full of anger, likely in a louse-filled neighborhood with unseemly influences, and you’d have a greater chance of becoming a whore or a thief or a drug dealer and...
Valentine's Day Is a Punch to the Gunt
Girls love a lot of nonsense, like drinking out of wine glasses. What the fuck’s that for? You can just drink cheap wine out of the bottle and it tastes lovely as virginal blood. Girls also fall for sucker shit like soap operas and shopping networks...
Incorrect Officers
Daaamn! Look at this prison guard who’s having a cop killer’s baby after banging him behind bars! Over the years I’ve spent incarcerated, I’ve definitely run into a few slags working for Corrections.
Rehab or Prison?
Intervention-type shows give people the impression that everyone in rehab is on the verge of death, whereas it’s actually filled with heads trying to stay the fuck outta jail. In a lot of ways, it’s just another moneymaking racket.
Rappin' Wif Rockbottom
Even when I’m lookin’ cracked-out, I possess profucious retard strength. I can smoke 20 twenties, eat a whole chicken, light a couch on fire, and throw it out the window with my grandma sitting on it.
God Behind Bars
I’m not proud to be prejudiced against religious people, but at least when in jail I definitely have a problem with them. It doesn’t matter what faith they’re representing, they usually seem to be delusional or crazy. I’ve lived next to convicts who...
HardWhite, an Introduction
The ballad of HardWhite and RockBottom's first meeting and the beginning of a deliciously destructive relationship that was created by the lucrative machinery that manifests itself from a combination of prison, women, and drugs.
Holidays in Jail
Lamentably, I’ve spent the majority of the past decade’s Christmases locked up. I try to imagine I’m a tough son of a bitch and this doesn’t affect me, but I tell you, it’s mega-hard not to succumb to the depression.
Thirstbuckets
Normally, I like to coin my own crackerisms and slang when it comes to describing indescribable prison behaviors, but I can’t improve on “thirstbucket.” In case you don’t know, that’s ghetto terminology for inmates who have crackhead tendencies...
Don’t Get Caught
When I take a serious look around, it dawns on me how much wasted potential there is in prison, how many people are living with regrets who will never have a chance to make good on them. It’s way too late.