Kara Crabb
Jacob Barnett Is Even Better in 3D
Jacob Barnett has been getting a lot of media attention lately because he is an autistic baby genius. I have been following his story for over a year now, waiting for my chance to pounce. When I found out he was going to be at a science-outreach...
Bitches Be Writing: A History
The first important modern writer with a vagina emerged out of nowhere, with an exaggerated, hyperbolic diary she called Pride and Prejudice, written when she was just 21 years old. As a result, universities all over the place now have feminist...
Barely Legal: Jessie Andrews Is a Jack-of-All-Trades
When I first saw Jessie Andrews doing sexy naked stuff on film, it blew my mind. Everything about her performance seemed so honest, refreshing, and visually stunning. She is only 20-years-old and started in the industry as soon as she turned 18, which...
How to Get a Girl to Shit on Your Chest
Human sexuality is a fascinating thing. Sometimes it can be compromising to our health and safety, sometimes it can be mind-blowingly euphoric, and sometimes it can be fully imbued with the act of taking a shit.
Girl Eats Placenta
When my very pregnant friend called recently to tell me that she had arranged for her placenta to be encapsulated and invited me to come watch the whole process, it was a dream come true. I had been dropping subtle hints to her for months.
Myths About Science Education
Recently I decided to go back to school to study science, and, astoundingly, most people I’ve crossed paths with have been enormous dicks about it. Even the secretary at the office of the registrar said, “Science? How do you know you want to study...
A Sweatshop of One's Own
What if the crap-manufacturing industry collapses and all of the indentured servants the US employs there are no longer able to produce cheaply manufactured garments? What atrocities would Americans be forced to wear? To illustrate this predicament, I...
My Favorite Disease, Noma
Brace yourselves. A lot of you will probably hate the photos you’re about to see in this article, but they’re not meant to make you feel sad and scared; they’re meant to make you understand something cool about your stupid face.
How to Have An Orgasm with Your Vagina
It has come to my attention that a lot of grown-ass women out there have yet to experience an orgasm, which makes me want to jump off a cliff on to a bed of sharpened dildos. Orgasms are important, and you need to be able to make yourself come. I know...
Let's Colonize Outer Space
I would like to donate my ova to NASA so that they can raise babies in a highly controlled environment, see how human physiology changes over time/in weird circumstances, and help us get on track to colonize Mars.
Motivational Hemorrhoids
Say you’re in a relationship and you start feeling isolated because you have needs that the other person just doesn’t understand. Don’t let it fester in your asshole until it starts prolapsing and bleeding out of control. Tackle it right away.
The Magic Kingdom of Syria
Here’s a fun idea for Syria: Disneyland. Just because your government has oppressed you for generations and your country is in the midst of a full-scale civil war doesn’t mean you don’t want to get soaked on Splash Mountain, right?