Basketball
Dickey on Fire
R.A. Dickey has the fastest knuckleball in baseball history and will be ruining the lives of hitters until they're eventually replaced with robots.
God Hates Beds
This week God spoke to former NFL player Kevin Ellison and told him to torch his bed with a blunt.
Welcome to the NBA Finals
Who will be the champions of The Year the Season Started at Christmas Because the Buttsteak Owner of the Suns Wanted to Prove Some Dim Point About Unions or Whatever?
Lebron James: The No-Fun Superstar
Back in the day, everyone wanted to be like Mike. Who wants to be like LeBron?
Rondo and the Old Dudes Just Keep Winning
You wonder if there’s something intrinsic these geezers have that others don’t.
The Clippers Are So Dumb
Here’s everything important that happened in every sport last week. If it’s not in here, it’s unathletic.
Ways to Improve Basketball
How about Dad Overtime, for example? In the event of a tie, all members of Team A and Team B will be swapped out for their dads.
If You Don’t Like the Spurs, You’re a Wall-Eyed Moron
The Spurs don’t deserve their rough reputation among idiot half-awake check-in basketball fans. They're the NBA’s model franchise.
Contemporary Magic
There's something remarkable about the fact that acerbic gnome and mock-turtleneck aficionado Stan Van Gundy is the most recognizably human player in the chain of events that cost him his job.
The Wide World of Balls - Haha, Dude Got Hit in the Sack!
This week Alex Gordon got a ball in the nuts and Lawrence Taylor earned more money to pay for his underage prostitutes.