COLLEGE
Egon the Blunt Getter
This time, I couldn’t take it. Egon had thrown off the balance, refusing to comprehend the burden that he placed on us, and completely disregarding what we had given him—a purpose. In front of all of us, he spat on that purpose in defense of whatever...
The Very Best of Parsons 2013 BFA Fashion Show
After four years of nervous breakdowns, crying over frayed lamé, and fighting peers over tiny scraps of fabric, the graduating class of Parsons 2013 BFA program showcased their designs at the school’s annual fashion show. The event consisted of 4...
The Amplifier Effect
This weekend, at a spontaneous and vaguely St. Patrick’s Day-inspired reunion at our usual clubhouse in South Philly, my college bro Marv found himself at the crossroads of a widely known truth: if you smoke when you’re drunk, both intoxications are...
Open Hillel Campaign Stirs the Pot on BDS-Jewish Relations
There’s a saying within the American Jewish community, a common self-effacing in-joke: “For every three Jews, you’ll find four opinions.” Far from being just a way to draw a cute yuck during an open mic night your local shul, the joke harkens back to a...
The Shwagman Cometh
The Shwagmen of Powelton Park were a shady bunch of high school kids who became entirely too familiar with me, my housemates, and our humble home. The most central character was a 17-year-old named Montana, a handsome kid with no concept of private...
An Honest Man's Advice for Studying Abroad in Africa
When you inform your friend’s mother, splayed on her chaise longue in Santa Monica, that you’ll be embarking for an African country well known to be infested with deadly snakes and diseases where parasitic worms crawl around in your eyeballs, she will...
Canadian Man Delivers Whupping to Non-Canadian
Georges St. Pierre won, the Marlins gutted their team again, and there are now 14 teams in the Big Ten. Also, college basketball began while the NHL continues to not begin. Sports? Sports. Again.
Girls and College
Power structures are wildly different in a college setting than in high school in that the most important girl is a little hedgehog from some shit town where she was Max Fisher But Worse.
I Am Letting the Machines Run My Fantasy Football Team
I wanted to be active in my fantasy football league this year but I forgot to show up for the draft and the computer picked my guys for me. I'm fine with it—the team's not that bad, and it's just a matter of time before robots run the rest of my life...
I Missed My High School Reunion
But I did find all of my IDs from Seguin High. I was a card-carrying member of the fanny pack/beret society.
On the Chopping Block: Nerds
The University of Florida is axing its Computer Sciences department. Seriously.