David Roth

  • Taken

    There’s no reason why anyone should talk about or listen to other people talking about sports for hours and hours every day. There is not necessarily that much to say about men running and catching balls under the best of circumstances, and necessarily...

  • The Pelicans’ Grief

    Team names work best when they’re both goofy and ambitious. The very words Utah Jazz conjure someone pouring a quart of milk into a clarinet; the idea of a Sacramento King mostly just gives you the image of a winking Guy Fieri sitting on a pepperoni...

  • Someone's Super Bowl

    This is how we wind up with something like Saturday's SEC Championship Game, which is an orgy of crass bloat and khaki-clad excess to some, something much more important than the Super Bowl to a great many others, and objectively a good deal stranger a...

  • Miami Blues

    In some ways, the Miami Marlins are Florida—overleveraged, overbuilt, and cruising blithely towards foreclosure while being ruled by a clownish, childish, tone-deaf, permanent cadre of special-needs elites. Less metaphorically, they’re a fucking bummer.

  • The Jets Are America's Team

    The Cowboys aren't America's Team, though they're called that. The Jets, mediocre and unprepared like us, get that honor. That the team's owner wants a Mitt Romney win more than a Super Bowl is sad icing on the despair cake.

  • Picking at Scabs

    The scab refs look, in short, like scabs—unqualified people hired to do a job they don't really know how to do at the behest of a management group which doesn't especially value that job, or at least less so than they value the chump change saved by...

  • The Oklahoma Problem

    Oklahoma is pretty terrible at being a state, but their basketball team is fantastic.

  • Welcome to the NBA Playoffs

    If you are just now joining the Playoffs, you may be frustrated to learn that they're nearly over. Don't worry, you were actually very wise to skip the part of the postseason that involved the Hawks.

  • Contemporary Magic

    There's something remarkable about the fact that acerbic gnome and mock-turtleneck aficionado Stan Van Gundy is the most recognizably human player in the chain of events that cost him his job.

  • People Actually Watch the Draft?

    Three days of interviews with neckless general studies majors from Southeast Conference schools makes for pretty excruciating TV. It's only natural for you to wonder why anyone would watch that.

  • My Beautiful Dork Twisted Fantasy

    I'm done apologizing for playing fantasy baseball.