Dos & Don'ts

  • SCUM DADZ, Fat Jew's New Web Series Where He Does Drugs in Front of a Baby

    Our most famous DOs & DON’Ts caption writer, the Fat Jew, has a new web series that illustrates exactly what happens when a filthy degenerate decides reproduction is a good idea. It’s called SCUM DADZ.

  • Tonight the DOs & DON’Ts Come to LA

    We know we already had a party in honor of the DOs & DON'Ts book in New York back in July, but we’re throwing another one because 1) The brand-new e-book edition is coming out and 2) We like throwing parties.

  • Dos & Don'ts

    Girls can wear cheap shit if their shoes are expensive.

  • Dos & Don'ts

    Rolling on E can be a bit of a bummer if you're not the center of attention and nobody wants to make out with you. But when you're the master of ceremonies and you're lying there like a Native American Thor with at least three viable pussy options...

  • Dos & Don'ts

    Could you have more shit hanging off your purse, please? No, I'm serious.

  • Dos & Don'ts

    We rip the piss out of more people.

  • Dos & Don'ts Greatest Hits

    Dude is just chilling. He's unflappable. You could be like, "Humpty, what if nobody shows up to our party?" and he'd be all, "Don't worry about it, doood."

  • Tidbits

    Sometimes, when you don't want to talk about money or free stuff or whose son's a dentist, it's nice to be able to go to Chinatown, buy a packet of this and just talk to a Jew.

  • Vice Fashion - Dos And Don'ts

    Photos by Andy Fallon & Glynnis McDaris

  • 100 Extra Dos & Don'ts

    Had enough? No? OK, let's get The Onion's Amie Barrodale to pump out 100 more.

  • Dos & Don'ts

    What do you do for a living? "Oh, I own a demolition company that uses the lyrics from 'War Pigs' as its motto."

  • Holy Fuck!

    When he was 29, Jesus wrote The Bible because he knew it would get him laid. Guess what--it worked.