Florida
He’s Not Dead Yet? Life with Gene Gregorits
Gene Gregorits is the greatest, truest writer you never heard of, unless you read the news right after he cut off his earlobe and ate it. Twice. How that hurricane of a man ever managed to sit still long enough to complete eight books, including the...
This Florida Cracker Lives in the Old bin Laden Mansion
About 20 miles from Disney’s Magic Kingdom sits another Florida kingdom of sorts, a 1928-built concrete block stucco mansion that looks straight out of a Billy Wilder film. It is surrounded by 13 acres of “Old Florida” views and has a bass-filled lake...
Miami Blues
In some ways, the Miami Marlins are Florida—overleveraged, overbuilt, and cruising blithely towards foreclosure while being ruled by a clownish, childish, tone-deaf, permanent cadre of special-needs elites. Less metaphorically, they’re a fucking bummer.
Merchandise Are Like the Smiths, but Punk
Merchandise are three guys from Tampa, Florida, who decided to leave behind any dreams of being cool non-conformists and form an indie pop group. I've been acting like an scary tween obsessive ever since I saw them play in New York.
Florida's Election Hangover
By about 11:15 PM, the election was over and Floridians were still voting. On the bright side, that meant Florida didn't even have a chance to fuck this one up. In fact, many Floridians missed the election results because they were still in line...
Voting in Florida: Not a Total Shit Show... Yet
It's ludicrous that Election Day isn't a national holiday. A friend who was called for jury duty was told by a clerk that voting is not a legitimate excuse to miss it. You can only perform one civic duty at a time, so vote today and risk contempt of...
My Family’s War with Animal Activists
I belong to a doggy dynasty. My grandfather showed dogs at Westminster, my brother’s partner runs a puppy spa, and my mother owns Puppy Palace, one of the biggest private puppy stores. We’re the Kennedys of the pet industry—except instead of...
This Week in Florida - Citrus Herpes, Pill Doctor Sex Parties, and Some Good News for Once
In 2000, in a supposed effort to curb the spread of a fruit-blemishing disease called canker, the Department of Agriculture sent Citrus Stormtroopers to bully their way into citizens’ yards and cut down their citrus trees regardless of whether or not...
We Saw This: Merchandise
Tampa Bays’ Merchandise played Wierd night in NYC to a pleased and packed house. Elbowing past a sea of girls who want to have singer Carson Cox’s babies, I managed to get so close to the stage I got slammed onto it in just a few minutes into their set.
This Week In Florida - Seagulls, Sandwiches, Prostitution, and the RNC
This week, the county reached a settlement with a woman who was hit by a Volusia Beach Patrol truck in 2010. The patrolman veered his Ford pickup out of the travel lanes and rolled over the lady’s beach chair, breaking her leg and injuring her chest...
Posing as a Gay Republican at the RNC Will Get You Laid
Getting gay laid at the RNC is easy. All you have to do is keep a straight face while saying you voted for John McCain in the last election and you'll be getting your salad tossed faster than Paul Ryan will decimate Medicare.
Republicans Don't Know How to Party
Tampa's nightlife has been dead since the convention. Where are all the secretly deviant Republicans I’ve heard so much about? Has the party followed Romney’s lead and given up all stimulants and intoxicants?