Prolate Spheroid Preview
Why Aren't There Football Coaching Grad School Programs?
Coaches learn their extremely difficult, demanding, horrifically time-consuming jobs as they go along, picking up knowledge as they work. Why don’t NFL coaches just go to grad school to study football?
Is It OK to Watch Young Men Get Paralyzed on Live TV?
I’m not going to stop watching football, but how do you excuse watching something as obviously evil as the NFL? Is it like eating processed meat or buying shoes made with slave labor—do you just not think about it? I guess that’s what you do. Shit.
The Best Teams Are Always Changing
The bad teams constantly turning over personnel, trying to find a few dozen guys to peak and stay in one piece at the same time. The good ones stay the same over seasons, and the great ones are in a state of constant flux, to the point where the...
Let’s Just Turn the Refs into Lasers
By 2030, I want the games to be officiated by motion sensors and nanobots. And the cheerleaders should be replaced by 3-D holographic .gifs that summarize the most important news stories of the day. And the players will mostly be lizards. Anyway, on to...
The Giant Insane People of the NFL Are Back, Finally
Professional football is played at speeds too fast for the viewer to follow what is happening. The games are too long and the stop-and-start action is constantly interrupted by homophobic, misogynistic beer ads. The rules are bizarre. And the game...
