This Week in Racism

  • Orson Scott Card Is Officially the Most Racist Sci-Fi Author

    The author of Ender's Game continues his bid to be the most hateful man in America by inventing a scenario in which Barack Obama becomes a Hitler-like dictator who uses street gangs to pacify the country.

  • Oprah Accused a Swiss Person of Racism

    Media mogul Oprah Winfrey tried to buy a $40,000 handbag while in Switzerland for Tina Turner's wedding, but was told by a shopkeeper that she "couldn't afford it." Nevermind that Ms. Winfrey made $72 million last year. That ain’t “hood rich.” That’s...

  • "Asian Girlz" Is the Most Racist Song of All Time

    Asian people love this song, right? It's full of deep, complex, thoughtful emotions on your proud traditions. Oh… wait. You don’t like this song? You don’t want someone to “tofu all over you”? What about the part that references your “slanted eyes...

  • Ann Coulter Lists Her Favorite "Black Heroes"

    Ann Coulter receives this week’s Ann Coulter Award for Excellence in Racism for her article, “Unsung Black People.” These “black heroes” are the people who dare to be happy when a person is killed. She's had it up to here with all the black folk...

  • George Zimmerman Isn't White

    After being found not guilty of murdering Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman is the focus of intense criticism, especially from groups who have painted him as a "white oppressor." Of course, Zimmerman's mother is Peruvian, which isn't exactly "white" by...

  • Johnny Depp Plays Native American in Movie, World Shrugs

    Johnny Depp’s new movie, The Lone Ranger, came out this week. In this hilarious romantic comedy, Mr. Depp portrays a potentially schizophrenic Native American named Tonto, who speaks in a bizarre broken English and talks to a dead bird that sits...

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  • A Pork-Laced Bullet Designed to Kill Muslims

    Idaho-based company/racist joke Jihawg Ammo sells bullets coated with pork to protect God-fearing 'Mericans from the Islamist suicide bombers—the idea is that the pork will prevent the evil Muslims from going to Muslim heaven. I'm not sure it'll work.

  • Paula Deen Is Exhausted from Being So Racist All the Time

    America’s Sweetheart and expert chef of all things deep-fried finally came clean about using the “N-Word," claiming that her Southern upbringing made use of the word natural. Her “Sorry for Being Racist” press tour was supposed to start this morning on...

  • A Mexican American Child Sings the National Anthem, Racism Ensues

    Ten-year-old Sebastion De La Cruz is a mariachi singer of some repute. Such a precocious young tyke should warm the heart of any normal human being. He’s so small, but he’s also doing a grown-up thing! It’s cute, plus hilarious. Well, some racists...

  • This Week in Reverse Racism

    I have decided to answer your prayers and dedicate this week’s column to the men and women single-handedly keeping the ridiculous notion of “reverse racism” alive. I will be ranking news stories on a scale from 1 to REVERSE RACIST, with 1 being the...

  • Sending Racist Emails About Michelle Obama Is Not a Good Idea

    Some of the hilarious zingers in some emails that a Virginia school-board member sent around included a photo of African tribal women next to the caption “Michelle Obama’s high school reunion” and another that implied that Mrs. Obama was paid a paltry...

  • Sergio Garcia Can't Wait to Serve Tiger Woods Fried Chicken

    When asked if he would be inviting Tiger Woods over for dinner during the US Open, famous Spanish golfer Sergio Garcia responded, “We'll have him 'round every night. We will serve fried chicken.” I’m glad that Sergio already has his dinner menu planned...