Composite by Vice Staff
It’s January, and you know the drill: It’s time for this year’s collective fitness goals to manifest themselves in athletic gear, some at-home equipment for getting swole, and a membership to your local gym. Maybe you’ve made it this far into dry January without cheating, and now you feel like you can take on the world. Maybe you still believe in the New Year’s version of Santa Clause: New Year, New Me. Or, maybe you’ve come to realize that you and Fergie have more in common than meets the eye. For whatever reason, you’ve decided that you, too, will be up in the gym just workin’ on your fitness. I see you.
I also commend your optimism and faith in your own discipline—really, I do. But take a bit of advice from someone (me) who’s earned a Lifetime Achievement Award in quitting: You’re going to need more than a pair of sneakers to keep your fitness goals on track. If you don’t have a generous supply of Catholic guilt to nudge you towards a healthier lifestyle, it helps to have some outside motivation. Thankfully, there are tons of high-tech options out there to help keep you on the straight and narrow. From Fitbits and smart scales to splurge-worthy home workout equipment like Peloton and The Mirror, these genius fitness items will be the motivation you need when you’d rather be riding the bench.
If you’re a lost lamb when it comes to knowing what to do in your workouts (and why you’re doing specific movements and exercises), then the Fitbit Charge 5 is your good-hearted babysitter who doesn’t want to see you get hurt on their watch. This wearable fitness tracker logs your activity, sleep cycles, and heart rate variability to make personalized workout recommendations tailored to your individual needs. Plus, there’s hundreds of additional guided routines you can try. May you get through more than half of them. There's a reason Fitbits are considered the gold standard in affordable fitness tech; the design works for you and your goals.
If you need a babysitter
It’s time to ditch your old bathroom scale (if you haven’t already). This smart scale gives you the measurements you really want to know when you’re going after long-term fitness and health goals: your muscle mass, body fat, hydration, BMI, and weight. Plus, it lets you track your data over time so you can measure your progress and brag about it to your buddies. For the Apple fiends Declaring that you’re going to become a marathoner is the perfect excuse for you to gift yourself the new Apple Watch Series 7. Even if you eventually give up using it to track your runs and jogs, you can go back to using its many other features, such as texting your friends about how “marathoning is so last year” and listening to true crime podcasts.
No, those PBRs you drank don’t count towards your daily water intake, Brad—no matter how much they taste like H2O. Everyone is supposed to be drinking 11-15 cups of water a day, according to science, and I’d bet my meager life’s savings that you are not. This smart water bottle tracks your daily water intake and glows to remind you when you’re falling behind, so you can stop looking and feeling like a raisin. Check out more smart water bottles and hydration motivators here.
Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate
If you were once one of those kids who would do anything for the promise of a gold-star sticker, this is the workout you were born for. The more you use this smart jump rope, the more you unlock awards. Type-A-ers, get jumping!
Sticker chart motivation
Does the thought of going to a gym and working with a living, breathing, sweating, iron-pumping personal trainer give you agita? Yeah, same. With The Mirror, you can train from the safe cocoon of your own home, and with the purchase of a Mirror Membership, you’ll have access to unlimited live and on-demand workouts for up to six household members. Plus, when you're not using it to get ripped, it blends seamlessly into your home decor and is great at being an actual mirror and offering you countless 'fit checks.
A less intimidating personal trainer
In case you didn’t know, we’re die-hard Therabody stans. So, here’s the one part of your new routine that’ll be easy to keep: the post-workout massage. The Wave Duo is a foam-rolling bad boy that has five different speeds which help release any soreness and tension you’re feeling—perfect for both post-workout recovery and pre-workout limbering up. The Theragun Elite—the Cadillac of massage guns—is like having a buff, strong-handed masseur on call at all times. Use either of them before a workout and remember the days of yore when you could actually go to a spa IRL. The Theragun Elite also syncs up with the Therabody app to learn your routine and suggest treatments that are best for you. If the promise of pounding your muscles into blissful oblivion doesn’t motivate you, I’m not sure what will. (Oh, and if the Theragun is a little pricey for your post-holiday wallet, might we suggest a more affordable alternative?)
Your in-house masseuse
No judgment! Nothing will keep you committed like dropping a rent check on a bike that goes nowhere, and everywhere. You’ll have to use it just to prove it wasn’t a New-Year-fever-dream impulse buy and avoid I-told-you-so texts from your friends. Plus, you'll have 24-hour access to studio cycling classes, available to your entire household.
The cult of NordicTrack
Your resolution was to get fit, not to coddle your cold, loveless heart. It’s all about keeping that ticker ticking, baby, and huffing and puffing your way through a cardiovascular workout is a great way to help your heart health. This Polar Heart Rate Sensor tracks your cardio workouts, offers training tutorials, and counts calories so that you can go onward and upward—healthy enough to break hearts for decades to come.
Speed-walking in the park not your thing? No problem. This under-the-desk elliptical lets you get your exercise in while you’re busy doing more important things—such as turning off your camera while you attend Zoom meetings in your pajamas. (Not that we ever do that.)
If your resolutions are going for the full health trifecta—mind, body, and spirit—try the MUSE 2 brain-sensing headband. It makes meditating and learning how to quiet your loud-mouth brain a whole lot easier. Tally ho, friends, and may your 2022 feel really, really good.