Just mix flour and water, they say
I didn’t know it then, but this was way too much water. Collage: VICE / Images: Koh Ewe
A kneading nightmare
Thus begins an hour of wrestling with this icky mess. Collage: VICE / Images: Koh Ewe
Let the sleeping dough lie
When the mixture feels smooth and doughy, cover the bowl with aluminum foil or plastic wrap and let it sit for an hour. Collage: VICE / Images: Koh Ewe
More kneading underwater
Submerge the dough in cold water and start kneading. The water will immediately turn cloudy, but not to worry — keep kneading, replacing the water a few times until it’s clear-ish. Collage: VICE / Images: Koh Ewe
It’s seasoning time
Season the “chicken” however you like; this is where you can get creative. Then let it sit for another hour. Collage: VICE / Images: Koh Ewe
Out of the sauces and into the frying pan
Twist the dough into a knot and fry in a pan. Collage: VICE / Images: Koh Ewe
Simmering it all down
The TikTok recipe has the dough fritter simmering for 45 minutes, but I found that “chicken” pieces were already stuck to the pan after only 10. Collage: VICE / Images: Koh Ewe
The final product
My seitan in its cursed final form. Collage: Photo: Koh Ewe
