It’s Spooky Season, which is our annual time for bonding with Jamie Lee Curtis (who never quits), pounding down pumpkin Reese’s, and figuring out the best Halloween costumes for our pets that will one-up every other bunny-eared schnauzer at the dog park. (Amateur hour, man.) We’re here to turn our furry friends into 10-legged spiders, scorpions, and loaves of bread; we’re looking for cat Halloween costumes that say, “I watch Jurassic Park once a month,” and, “My cat and I are secretly dead Victorian women.”
Do be mindful of how your terrier feels in its frills, of course; some pets legit DGAF, but others would just rather not, ma’am. This isn’t Mommy Dearest, so don’t make us contact the pet psychic. Seriously, here’s their site (makes a great gift). Now that we have the important, obligatory disclaimer out of the way: Here are the best Halloween costumes for you and your dog, cat, snake, rat, hamster, lizard, and whatever other critters are your ride-or-dies this fall.
The best Halloween costumes for dogs
Make him the breadwinner
Get it? Because pets don’t do shit to pay rent, but we spend all our coins on them anyways?
Because your pet is a murderer (of your sanity/furniture/freedom)
They actually do make scratch-proof furniture for your cats and dogs. But until then, consider this their Scarlet Letter.
You're hosting the Halloween kegger and you need to warn your guests that your dog is an asshole
What a prick. Still love ‘em, though.
Definitely rewatching Hocus Pocus this year (and every year)
This way, you and your bud can go out as the other two Sanderson sisters for Halloween.
Never forget that Goofy somehow had children
If your dog is depressed…
… There are not enough tissues/hankies/calming lavender spray to stop the hot sludge tears that are streaming down my face. Also, why does this feel like something Werner Herz-dog would do?
Your dog is perma-stinky…
…Or is cosplaying as disgraced Looney Tunes character Pepé Le Pew.
Your dog is in Tame Impala
The less you know about what your dog is doing after the show, the better. (They’re just standing outside trying to bum a Marlbone.)
You're doing psychedelics in Joshua Tree all weekend and your dog is coming
If you thought you stared at your dog too much before, just wait until the mushrooms kick in, dude.
Because four legs was never enough
If you want to recreate one of the greatest internet relics of the modern era, the Mutant Giant Spider Dog, now's your chance.
Your dog is cottagecore
The now-infamous strawberry dress was way too basic for you, but you can still make your doggo look like a Susan Alexandra handbag.
Your love language is spicy tuna
Yes, a giant chopsticks costume exists, but it’s kind of terrifying.
Your dog lazy AF and everyone knows it
While you can’t legally own a sloth—actually, might wanna fact check that one—dressing your dog up as the internet’s, like, fourth favorite animal (?) is the next best thing.
This one's for the millennials
Don’t be shocked if the kids don’t “heart” your Instagram post. They never watched Are You Afraid of the Dark? either, so you can be sure they missed out.
You religiously watch MUNCHIES videos
Today’s the day you start grooming your pup to be the next test kitchen intern.
The best Halloween costumes for cats
You're always threatening to eat your cat
There’s a kind of perverse, Texas justice about sticking a plushy turkey on your little turkey’s head. “Cute aggression” is a real thing, and this is one semi-healthy way of acting on it. Can’t explain it. Just need it.
Your cat has the energy of a drug baron
You know that one cat who eats your other cat’s food? The one that poops in the bathtub sometimes, just because he can? This one’s for him.
You incessantly quote Jurassic Park
What, you were expecting a T-Rex? Baby. Please. Put on your best Laura Dern khaki shorts, and let’s get our Dilophosaurus on.
There is nothing in your cat's head besides air
To be fair, same.
You're pretty sure the soul of an old Victorian woman is trapped in your cat's body
You can’t tell me this cat doesn’t know how to cook a great meatloaf.
You love depressed Ben Affleck Dunkin Donuts memes as much as we do
Tears! It’s what’s for breakfast, because it’s the original hot drip coffee. Don’t forget the sprinkled donut.
The best Halloween costumes for all your other pets, you weirdo
Guess we’re befriending a guinea pig now
Someone please give this guinea pig model its own Pixar movie.
A witch hat for your bearded dragon, toad, or Troll doll
Congratulations! You have now entered the domain of frog memes.
Knitwear for your snake
Not only is this charming, but somehow… elegant? The power of knitwear, man.
What, like chickens don't deserve costumes too?
You. A chicken. A dream. A pair of rollerskates, and the runway that is Venice Beach. GOOOO. But make sure you both have matching helmets. Safety first.
See you on them trick-or-treat streets. Speaking of, have you seen what’s going on in doggy streetwear lately? Unreal.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.