The 69 Best Gifts for Mom, Because Mama Deserves Something Good This Year

Bonjour, mon bébé. If you’re here, it must be time to get a gift for Mommie Dearest, and try to (somehow?) pay back the woman who literally grew us in her womb (so weird when you really think about it), made us infinity macaroni and cheese, and literally and figuratively wiped our tuchuses as we slowly, painfully blossomed into the funky little freakazoids we've come to be. We salute you, people who raise children. It sounds hard.

But those are our moms. We're thinking about your mom. Man, she is really something… a goddess. A wildcat! We sure like her. In fact, we spent a couple of days and long, candlelit nights—just like the video for Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now"—thinking all about her and what she might want to receive during this holiday season. Here are 73 lock 'n' load ideas for what to get your mommy. These are the true, actual, best gifts for moms, or for whoever is the literal, spiritual, or metaphorical mama in your life. Something for everyone. We promise.

All garlic shrimp everything—even jewelry. 

Thank ma for the 18 hours she spent on her feet making sure your holiday feast is just right by giving her tired dogs the pampering they deserve.

Body Butter Lady is a Black-owned business selected as part of Black+, an initiative by VICE Media Group and The National Urban League to support Black Entrepreneurs with free marketing and mentorship opportunities.

So Mommy can stan Daddy or be Daddy (don’t worry, they have Mommy too).

No one is mad at a refreshing, tingly scalp massage. 

This Beaujolais Three Ways collection from our favorite online natural wine dealer, MYSA will delight mother, and you won’t have to drink the two-buck Chuck she usually buys.

So Mommy can easily haul her stuff up the stairs if you're not around to help. 

You used to be your favorite, but every since you moved out its Mitzy and Muffin that are first in her heart—show her you love them just as much with a custom painted ornament for her tree.

We've all seen Mommy have a couple of glasses of Beringer Chardonnay and cut loose on the dance floor of our cousin's wedding the second "I Will Survive" blasts outta those speakers. 

Maybe Mommy did LSD, maybe she didn't, but either way she may wish to protect her gorgeous coiffure should she find herself riding shotgun in a Thunderbird. 

It's never too late for Mommy to become the next E.L. James.

We want to see all the other moms staring at your mother while she quenches that thirst, because she is that bitch.

Spoil Mommy with a glorious Nespresso machine and milk frother (currently 36% off!) so she can invite her friends over for hot lattes and even hotter gos.

For the mom that’s always losing her glasses. Now she’ll be stylish and able to read the menu.

Again, you've gotta use the ol' bean and choose gifts that you will also have access to the pleasures of using. 

Trust us, moms love UGGs. If you have a short (see: height-challenged) mom, I guarantee she’ll go wild for this platform style.

So Mommy can spoil Mommy's Fluffy Baby™.  

These little vinnies make perfect salad dressings or spritzers for tart, healthy-conscious mothers and mother figures 

You know who went through 16 hours of labor to bring your dumb ass to this Earth, changed too many diapers, did googolplex dishes, and shouldn't have to get off the sofa to grab the remote? Mama. 

Your mother is a queen. She deserves to slumber like one too, obvi.

Cool-looking and ideal for the klutzy, coffee-sloshin’ mamacitas among us. 

For mommies who love gluten and gadgets, and want the latest in crust-caramelization technology. 

Let’s be honest: Some of you were just scanning this list looking for flowers. Typical. Fine. Here are some particularly pretty ones. 

Who says Mom can’t be hippie chic when she's whipping up an entire meal (or, you know, a PB&J)? 

So Mommy can play strip dominoes with Daddy. 

Have you had these? ICONIC. While we think these should be illegal (for our sake) these make a great gift for any mom. 

Because social media is hell, and we don't want your mom to suffer in hell, so we give her a super-streamlined, purposely low-feature phone for keeping her beautiful mind clear of any extraneous BS. This phone is about as simple as it gets—just texting, calling, and pretty much nothin’ else. (We want one, too.)

So 90s, we just love it. This, "personal oxygen bar...increases the concentration of oxygen inhaled from 35% to 90% for calm relaxation." Serve with a dirty martini on the side. 

This gorgeous stuff is "a whipped trifecta of shea, cocoa, and mango butters, [plus] vitamins, fatty acids, and pure seed extracts." [Extremely deep voice] Ohhh yeahhhh baby, that's smooth. 

It’s always glug ‘o clock—and not just for wine. Fill this giant chalice with a non-alcoholic spritzer, rose petals, or ranch dressing. 

It’s actually bananas to get a cashmere robe for this price. 

Hereby making a plea for heritage olive oil to be its own micro-influencer.

“Oh, yeah. They use these at Soho farmhouse, too,” she’ll brag to the ghouls when she hosts her next bottomless brunch.

Pine tree scents for winter, peony for spring. This candle subscription is a basically a grown-up scratch ‘n sniff situation. So much better than an advent calendar.

There is no mom who will not shake it to Earth, Wind & Fire. This tote bag should make her the coolest parent of all at the farmers market—whether or not it is, in fact, the 21st night of September. 

As someone recently told us, “If your face fell in poo, you would fully wash it. So why don’t we do that for our bums?”

Mom is tired of solving everyone’s problems—let her rest in silky luxury.

Bath salts. CBD. Sounds fun. [Beavis and Butt-Head snort] 

Dog shoes. Nothing wrong with that. Honestly, my hands look like this, so Mom’s dog’s paws can look like that. 

One of our writer’s mothers wears this to the YMCA (pre and post-pool), and at home while watching Huell Howser on California’s Gold reruns. 

Mommies love rom coms. Sleepless in Seattle is THE rom com.  

Vegan bacon bits for wedge salads, BLATs (that's a BLT with avocado, duh), or just out-of-bag snackin' on the sofa. 

Even Mommie Dearest would die for this luxe set (just don’t use a wire hanger!)

It's about time the Cosmo got a little respect. Plus, good for pampering Mommy's tired feet after she slathers them in $150 worth of Crème de la Mer. 

One of our writers bought this for her parents, who love it for kneeling whilst gardening and picking up the grandbaby’s tantrum tater tots.

No matter Mommy's relationship status, ain't nothing wrong with being embraced by a disembodied muscle man pillow to keep actual or potential daddies on their toes. 

It's a big rainbow crystal Jenga, for both enthusiastic display and highly competitive game nights. 

Yes, they make CBD-infused sleepwear stuff now. Of course we did a test run. You think we’d recommend something for moms that we couldn’t vouch for personally?

Not all mommies are wine mommies. Optimist is perfect for booze-free spritzers and sippin', with zero hangover so she'll still make it to pole-dancing class tomorrow morn. 

This hat has swallowed an entire box of crayons just to be here.

It’s Botox, babe. If she’s too afraid of injectables, or has been complaining about her fine-lines and wrinkles, she will kiss your cheeks with joy after opening up this limited-edition NuFACE Fix device.

Send Mommy’s feet into the void. Prepare to carry her everywhere, as she may never pull her piglets out of this relaxation station.

Is she in the market for a new set of teeth? Lose them in high-flying style. 

To be used whilst regaling guests about your trip to wine country.

Mommy isn't just your mommy; she is also Fluffy's mommy. And Fluffy deserves a couch that her claws won’t destroy. (Yes, scratch-proof furniture is a thing.)

She deserves to walk on clouds, or at least a veritable flock of sheep.

What’s more luxurious than an incredibly decadent tray of uni, featuring 200g of umami-rich sea urchin roe hand-harvested off the Southern California/North Mexican coast.

Because her face is the marquee, and it deserves some razzle dazzle framework. 

Basically a puffer that serves as a blanket for all impending outdoor activities (hiking, camping, drinking on lawns).

The bowl is classy and strong, but embellished. The bowl is a metaphor (for mom).

This, in addition to a Cameo video greeting from The Real Housewives’ Vicki Gunvalson, is the best gift any breathing human could receive. 

Lavender is supposed to ease anxiety, and scare away spiders. Or, Mommy can pick it and sprinkle it in her candlelit bath.  

For the mom who is both Live, Laugh, Love and Sk8 or Die.

She will want her own personal bird bath for this oil of ylang ylang tree, patchouli plant, and lavender. Guess that’s a bathtub. 

These gargantuan, buttercream-filled cupcakes are not only super-festive, but also vegan, for all the plant-based Mommies.

“I’m not like a regular mom. I’m a Slayer mom.”

For the mother with eternal sudoku or Pee-wee Herman energy.

Lumbersexual momma bear, hovering over her cubs Design Toscano style. 

Trust us—these are the softest pjs on the planet and mama will absolutely love them. Plus, now you can build her Eberjey collection, easy gift-buying year after year.

The phone call you receive after mom debuts her gorgeous new Dansk saucepan filled with glorious cheese fondue at the holiday party will be manically ecstatic.

There’s no denying the power the Barefoot Contessa has over all of us—give mom her latest cookbook, Go-To Dinners and she’ll be grinning ear to ear.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, MA. 

This story includes Black-owned businesses selected as part of Black+, an initiative by VICE Media Group and The National Urban League to support Black Entrepreneurs with free marketing and mentorship opportunities.