PHOTOS VIA RIGHT MOVE
What is living in London like? Hell. Here’s proof, beyond all doubt, that renting in London is a nightmare.
Where is it? But bread never really had anything before bread. I want you to look inwards at your brain right now: you, above anyone else, know what it is capable of. Stare into the deep recesses of your mind. Turn inwards. Truly evaluate your creative capability. Now, think: you are snapped back to neolithic times. You walk past a field of wheat. Do you think your brain, as you have it now, is capable of thinking: hmm. I should take all the seeds off that and mill them between two big stones until a powder is formed. No. Exactly. Your brain judders to a stop whenever you have to do a council tax form. Your brain is made for skipping YouTube adverts and nothing else. You would have been next to useless in a time just after we invented fire. You would have been dinosaur food. I refuse to look up on Wikipedia whether that is technically possible or not.
What is there to do locally? This is the thing with bread: flour is just one deranged part of it. So you, a neanderthal, have somehow used your lizard brain intuition to pluck the seeds from some wheat strands and pounded them into flour: cool. Now you have to get a big scoop of that flour wet (where? Where can I get the flour wet? Can someone invent a bowl, please?) then knead that into a rough, shaggy dough. Now what do you do? The first person to try this would have just eaten it raw. Someone had to eat raw bread dough, go ‘not quite right… disgusting, actually… but maybe if—’, then cook it (can someone invent fire, please? Can someone invent me a grill?). How did we know yeast was just there, microscopic, floating around in the air, and if we left the wet flour dough in a bowl long enough it would bloom and rise? How did we take pounded seed powder and turn it into the most delicious item on the planet? And, crucially, how did every society on Earth also do more or less the same thing, at the same time? Someone was out there making pitta breads, and lavas bread, then bagels. Someone ancient with a brain sickness made pumpernickel. We think about how language divides us from the animals – gives us a shape to our thoughts, allows them to be communicated with others, spread like a sickness – but no animal I know ever got flour wet then hot then ate the remains. A hundred-thousand errors and decisions went into the evolution of bread. We did some fucked up things to invent that.
Alright, how much are they asking? Anyway, there is a point to all this. £1,100 pcm.
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