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Sex

Shitting Dicknipples Is the Weirdest Porn Category on the Internet

We've seen some weird stuff, but cartoon penises affixed to cartoon breasts that excrete cartoon poop kinda threw us for a loop.
November 27, 2013, 10:01pm

This is what shitting dicknipples are. via Encylopedia Dramatica user "i Can't."

Everyone knows the internet is full of photos of shit, people doing things with shit, and people making things that are critically considered shit. Since I fancy myself to be well versed at digging up crap that’s hidden in the trenches of the internet with the foulest of stenches, and shove it in people’s face with my writing, I believe it’s time to unveil the holy grail of online shit.

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While researching the micro-fetish world of furry quicksand videos (don’t ask), contemporary digital artist Jon Rafman tipped me off to GUROchan.net with the warning that it was “a fucked up extreme fetish website.” When a guy whose life’s work includes years of trawling the darkest reaches of the Deep Internet for inspiration warns you that a fetish website might be intense, you know it’s going to be crazy.

GUROchan is home to a lot of twisted, ridiculous anime hentai porn (GURO stands for grotesque). There’s something for everyone from erotic literature, gore, death, and of course furry porn. You name an obscure and potentially offensive fetish, and GUROchan’s got content for you. The site is designed like an even more basic version of 4Chan, and it’s very friendly to its users. For me, the most fascinating part of GUROchan is the request page, where its users can ask for anything. Really, anything. The request page is the last stop on the internet porn train. This is a place where shameless, anonymous people demand to see “saggy pants scats,” and other requests seek out giant balloon-like tits that can lay eggs, or some good ol’ fashioned belly button penetration.

Even though these twisted fetishes don’t really do it for me, my brain is still capable of wrapping itself around the potential sexiness of seeing a woman lay eggs, or watching a guy get pooped on. Because I guess, it’s not that crazy. Especially in comparison to the one request on GUROchan that makes scat porn and egg-laying human females look like vanilla softcore: shitting dicknipples.

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What are shitting dicknipples, you ask? That’s a valid question—and it’s one I had myself when I first heard of the phrase. But it only took about one click on GUROchan to figure it out. Shitting dicknipple porn is pretty much exactly what it sounds like: a cartoon depiction of dick-shaped female nipples expulsing violent streams of poop.

A teenage, shitting dicknipples prank.

Once I made this discovery, my world stopped spinning for a minute. I had to deal with the realization that I live in a world where shitting dicknipples exist in a cartoon reality, and where people seek them out on perverse 4chan spinoffs. I was now faced with tons of pictures posted by shitting dicknipple enthusiasts, but the scarier part was that I knew there were more. In fact, there’s a song about them on YouTube. How can someone go from enjoying regular porn to this? I couldn’t shake the thought that somewhere, there is a group of fat hairy scat-loving dudes fapping to diarrhea coming out of a woman’s penis-shaped aerolae.

My brain filled up with voices screaming on top of each other: “WHY?” “WHAT THE FUCK?” “WHO KNOWS ABOUT THIS?” “IS THIS LEGAL?” I started laughing hysterically as if my mind had given up. I had finally snapped.

Shitting dicknipples could have easily blended in with all the crazy shit that’s out there if it weren’t for the fact that the concept is so surreal and bizarre. I’ll be straight with you. I can deal with shitting dicks and I can picture dick-like nipples. But to combine both was an act of perverted genius. I was being trolled. Internet porn was being trolled. But more importantly, our collective dicknipples were being trolled.

Shitting dicknipples were born on 4chan’s /b/ page. The random image board has been fittingly described by some as “the toilet bowl of the internet” and “a place where you go to become your inner asshole, or, live out your sickest fantasies.” In this sort of context, shitting dicknipples make perfect sense. They’re used as an extreme cliché of how bizarre sexual fantasies can get, especially when it comes to hentai and guro. Shitting dicknipples combine so many fucked up things at once that it’s almost impossible for anyone to find them sexually attractive. They become conceptually attractive, instead. Or maybe that’s just me. People could be developing raging dicknipple shit-boners as I write this. I’m not sure. What I can say for certain, however, is that shitting dicknipples are a rare oddity. It’s up to you if you find them repulsive or fascinating. You can even find them sexually arousing, but if you do, you should probably seek help. All that being said, once you’ve spent countless hours staring at them like I have, you might come to realize how beautiful and ludicrous they are no matter how grossed out you may be. Shitting dicknipples truly are the unicorns of internet porn.

@smvoyer