
Slavery this, emancipation that. Why is everyone so fixated on black history these days? White history is so much less stressful. Did you guys know, for instance, that in 1750, white people were mostly totally fine? And that, in 1256, white people were also mostly totally fine? But I suppose, oh, we can't celebrate that because NWA didn't write a song about it. STRAIGHT PRIDE MARCH
If the gays don't want to suck my dick on Steak and Blow Job Day, then frankly they don't deserve their own festival. Let's cancel Gay Pride and get some hetero dick sucking going on instead.INTERNATIONAL DAY OF PEOPLE WHO AREN'T DISABLED
You guys know how much tax money has been used in the last 50 years to make public spaces and buildings more accessible to non-disabled people? NONE, that's how much. So why, after demanding ramps in maybe 5 percent of Western buildings, do disabled guys ALSO get a whole international day to themselves? Let's reclaim it for able-bodied people everywhere. WORLD HAVEN'T-GOT-CANCER DAY
Do I have cancer? No! Do you have cancer? No! So let's have a party! I never understood why anyone would want to celebrate cancer, anyway. At least not for 24 whole hours. HOLOCAUST FORGETTING DAY
Imagine if people could just forget this whole thing even happened. Meeting German people wouldn't be nearly as awkward. INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR CHILDREN WITH HOMES
Let's take a minute to think about all the children suffering in their homes. WORLD HIV NEGATIVE DAY
How about we start a day to celebrate people who're going to live long enough to be grateful. WORLD ENDANGERING ANIMALS DAY
For one day we will eat animals. We will hunt animals. We will have a party. We will have fun. We will feel free. WORLD MENTALLY STABLE DAY
Mentally stable people are the backbone of our society, and it's nuts to suggest otherwise.PS: If you already knew it was Steak and Blowjob Day, odds are, you're a prick. Happy prick day, you prick.