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2 problem with having kids after how it is social suicide (an 80s phrasing that I just decided we’re bringing back, OK?) is interacting with other parents, and other parents are more desperate and judgmental and FUCKING BORING than adolescent girls. All of them want to look real, real deep into your eyes and do knowing smiles, and want to share all of these precious moments with you, even if you are CLEARLY just knocking back coffees in the presence of your shorter BFFs while their moms are at Ralph’s and you are CLEARLY not going to engage with them. Imagine being at your job and never getting to leave, that’s what it’s like hanging out with parents. And look, I love kids! I love going to the park with kids! Kids don’t ruin parenting; parents ruin parenting. Ooooooh I am smart.
I also like babysitting because there is hella candy, BUT the second after kids are still in front of me when I would rather be with adults is the most searing hell. So there is that as an argument against running toward a life that would necessitate/form itself around the having of children. Plus my sister told me once about her and her kid being sick at the same time and lying on the floor of her beautiful beach house staring at each other and I decided it’s not worth it and every time I’m sick I close my eyes and pretend there is a mucus-dripping three-year-old a foot away from me and how would I feel about that?Advertisement